Tag: FAS Page 2 of 3

No One is Looking

Occasionally I run across things that I just have to share. This is one of those times. People need to be informed. Most likely you, my reader, are one of them. Here you go, lesson #1…

Below is my comment on my Adoptive Families’ FAS Yahoo Support Group. One of the moms said she thought her son would do better if he could see immediate and appropriate consequences when he saw other kids get caught stealing. Below is my response and then below that is hers.

“Well, I’ve had a lot of kids mess up and my younger kids watched and even though they saw the consequences, they still did the same thing themselves. I never understood why they wouldn’t learn from seeing others suffer consequences. They just always either didn’t think they’d get caught or didn’t think before they did it. “

Here is her excellent explanation of the typical behavior of a FASD kid – friends, welcome to MY world:

“You are right….., I agree with you completely on this. As a matter of fact, this particular behavioral feature (not learning from consequences) is what seems to me to distinguish FASD. So, when I said: ‘I postulate that if he had seen others steal, and seen them get caught, and seen them suffer some unpleasant consequences, he would have avoided doing the same. Seeing is believing. All else is just conjecture, and does not apply.’

I should have said: ‘If he had seen someone steal the money and get caught and punished immediately, he might have decided not to try stealing the money from the same place in that situation, as least not right away. As long as he knows that there was someone watching everyone’s every move, ready to immediately punish every act of thievery, then he would behave himself most of the time…. except when he was really mad, had a strong feeling that he deserved to have whatever he would be stealing, and thought that he had a good chance of not getting caught…. i.e. no one is looking.’

In residential treatment settings, my son rarely ever steals anything. At home, even with locks on every cupboard and door that contained forbidden items, he was constantly trying take anything that he wanted any time he was upset about anything. He did the same at school, but he was even more sneaky about it.

The therapist at the residential home apparently thinks that he is reformed, because he has stopped stealing. Knowing him and FASD as I do, I am thinking that this may be short sighted. It seems to me that it is only the fact that 2 staff watch EVERY move of EVERYONE 24/7. He has stopped this behavior because the environment has been modified to meet his needs. (thus the need for the “external bodies” to monitor in order to ensure proper behavior)

In written reports, while admitting that he has “not yet internalized” the lessons he has learned in therapy, his therapist maintains the words “not yet” which imply that he is going to do this, can do this, and is expected to any moment internalize these things that he can speak so well about.

This is the reason I think FASD training is so important for professionals serving our kids.”

A Recommened Book on FAS

By Val Frania

In Adoption, FAS

I just spoke with a lawyer who is trying to get DHS policy changed on how they handle families with children who need post-adopt services. Please pray for this attorney. He is advocating for families like ours. He recommended this book:

Fetal Alcohol Syndrome
A Guide for Families and Communities
By Ann Streissguth, Ph.D.

ORDERING INFO
ISBN 1-55766-283-5Paperback / illus.
336 pages / 6 x 9
1997 / $24.95 ($16.47 at Amazon)

Here is the original site that I found the book on. It’s worth checking out and has a page that tells a lot about the book.

If you click to here at Amazon, you can look inside the book and get a better price.

Here is an excerpt:

It was January 1973. I was in shock. I had just finished administering a psychological examination to the seventh young child in the group that Jones and Smith, my dysmorphology colleagues (physicians with expertise in congenital malformations), had asked me to see. Although the seven children represented three racial groups and were not themselves related, they looked eerily alike: small, sparkly eyes; small heads; and an appearance about the mouth that appeared as though they were pursing their lips even when they weren’t smiling. Except for the two who were still infants and the one who was so flaccid she was carried in the arms of her mother, the other children had a wispy, flighty quality. I thought to myself that these children who were so curiously and surprisingly unafraid of me were like butterflies.

These children clearly had brain damage. To an experienced clinician, their neurological insults were as obvious as the aftereffects of meningitis or encephalitis. Each of these children had experienced damage to his or her central nervous system (CNS) that was apparent in his or her erratic movements, poor coordination, flighty attentional states, and poor performance on psychological tests, despite a captivatingly alert and bright-eyed manner.

Mother Protests Adopted Son’s Possible Return Home

By Val Frania

In Adoption, FAS

Click here for the Times Herald article I have reprinted below. This article tells the story similar to a journey our family just embarked on today. Details are different, but the story is the same. If you go to the actual article on the Times Herald site, you can read some of the comments at the end. We are in the middle. It looks like this lady is at the end, hopefully. There are many adoptive parents out there with the same type of problems with the state and their adopted children.

By Jason Alexander, Times Herald, April 10, 2009

A local woman stood in front of the St. Clair County Courthouse on Thursday protesting the return of her adopted son — who has been convicted of criminal sexual misconduct — to her home. St. Clair County Court Administrator Grant Nixon said that isn’t going to happen.

“There are no plans to release him,” Nixon said Bev Bennett’s 14-year-old son, who is being detained at Children’s Home in Marysville.

Because a motion to terminate parental rights was denied at a recent hearing, Bennett believes the child, who she said molested four of her other six children, is headed home soon. Bennett, 32, of Port Huron Township has five adopted children, including the 14-year-old, and two biological children. The son was convicted of criminal sexual conduct in June 2006 and in July 2007, according to court records.

According to Bennett and court records, precautions were taken after the first incident as sensors were put on doors at the home. The 14-year-old son was not allowed to be alone with any of of Bennett’s other children, ages 15, 13, 13, 10, 9 and 8. However, Bennett said that didn’t stop the second incident. Nixon said Bennett recently attempted to terminate her parental rights under a delinquency petition, which he said could not be done under Michigan law.

“The judge looks at it, and he has to comply with the law,” Nixon said.

Bennett was upset she could not terminate the rights.

“I understand he is my child, but my other children are the victims, and they shouldn’t have to go through that again,” Bennett said. “I don’t know what to do. I’m totally at a loss at what to do at this point.”

That led Bennett to stand in front of the courthouse to perhaps get advice from other people. About a dozen people stood with her, including her children, who were handing out flyers detailing their story. They held signs that said “I deserve to be safe,” and “I don’t want to be molested.”

“It’s terrifying,” Bennett said. “My kids are traumatized by this.”

An Exclusive Club

By Val Frania

In Adoption, FAS

I ran across this introduction by an adoptive mom that has joined a Yahoo Post Adoption Support Group I’m in. Have you ever been tempted to judge an adoptive parent of a child who has FAS? Do you think they are somehow responsible for the behavior of a child who has been damaged by their birth parent’s drinking? Do you think you could have done better? Have you ever wondered why it is that even though you have taught your adopted child how to live right they totally ruin their lives with bad decisions once they are out on their own? Well, welcome to our club – the Adoptive Moms of FAS Kids Club. It’s exclusive club. You have to have loved someone else’s child and been ostracised because of it to join.

Our questions may never have any answers, but God knows that the parents of these kids have been faithful and are not responsible for damage done way before they came on the scene. That’s really all we do know for sure – God understands and knows. Well, maybe there is something else we know for sure. Others who haven’t adopted and raised a child with FAS don’t understand and don’t know. Am I bitter? No. God has taught me way too much to dwell on the ignorance of others and to let it affect my view of myself or God. Am I disappointed? Yes. I am disappointed for this adoptive mom – that she’s not supported or helped by those who ought to care and have the resources to help. BTDT!

Here is Mrs. Smith’s introduction:

I am an infant mental health specialist, certified teacher ART k-12 and general ed K-8. I have a Master’s in Early Childhood Education, and specialist in FASD [A term used to identify damage to a child because the mom drank alcohol while pregnant] issues. I’m on the state’s FASD Task Force as a parent, but previously as a professional I was the coordinator for Wayne County’s FAS Awareness project. I live in the Ann Arbor area. I adopted 2 children from foster care…. long story but I am a single parent…. I became involved in foster care when I decided to participate in a grant to take in drug-affected infants. That must have been about 16 years ago, because my son is now 14.

Yes, my ds [dear son] was my first infant I took in on the grant, 3 days old from the hospital. As an infant mental health specialist I worked hard on the attachment piece. The attachment had a bigger impact on me that I expected, and when his birth mom’s rights were terminated at age 2, I decided I would adopt. About 4 years later I decided to adopt one more. That is my dd [dear daughter], who is now 9. Interestingly, my son looked good at birth, full term, full head size. Only “alleged” drug use. My daughter, on the other hand was premature, low birth weight, tested positive for crack and came out swimming in alcohol. Guess which one has the brain damage. My son! Go figure. This is one of the big mysteries that surrounds FAS. We know that of twins both exposed to alcohol, one can have the syndrome, the other not. We know that brain damage can be just as substantial with the facial features as without them! Kids with an average IQ, like my son, can have the same serious brain damage as a kid with low IQ, but people don’t recognize it as brain damage because of his IQ, and hold him culpable!

Ah well, enough preaching!

My son has been in residential for 2 years, supported by adoption subsidy. I have been facing threats of neglect charges for almost that long. I have come to understand that this is not uncommon in Michigan post adoption support services. It is sad for the parents who try so hard with the state’s most difficult kids. It is sad for the children who, through no fault of their own (i.e., alcohol and/or early neglect), must be abandoned by the state if they cannot be “fixed” within a time frame, or look like they will need a life time of support. I want to work with the state to find solutions to this problem. The solutions need not be expensive, but must be practical. “Punishing” parents won’t help. In fact, it will deter “good” potential foster/adoptive parents from considering the state’s children. It is a lose/lose situation. Let’s work to discover the “win/win.”

Adoption Drama – a Story of One Woman’s Difficult Journey

By Val Frania

In Adoption, FAS, Links

Here is a blog I just read this morning. I spent an hour reading it from back to front (blogs post the most recent first, and then you become so intrigued you keep hitting the back button to see what preceeded it). If any of you wish to read a story very similar to ours, please check this blog out. After you read it, spend some time praying for this woman. I could have written 99% of her story and put my name as author – it is so much the same as ours. Though I am so very sorry for what she’s going through, it was strangely validating. If you truly want to understand the plight of a family who has adopted emotionally impaired children, please read Adoption drama…. “The System.” I’ll start you from the beginning posting so you can read it in order of occurrence.

The sad thing is, there is no answer. We are adrift in the sea of fear and regret. Only God knows…and those who have lived it.

14 Year Old John’s Therapist

By Val Frania

In Adoption, FAS

This is a sample of what “Mrs. Smith” encounters when she attends a family therapy session at the residential center that houses her son, John, who has FAS. If it weren’t so ridiculous, it would be amusing. This is why some of us whom have adopted FAS kids do not seek out help.

I am updating you all, thinking that you will be in a position to appreciate, in a special way, this particular segment of my FASD odyssey.

I just got a copy of the treatment plan they (John’s residential program) “forgot” to give me in September. These treatment plans are always a good read, if you have a sense of humor. They have ratings and give scores for areas they consider important to the treatment of the child in the residential facility. They rate the child and his progress. They also rate the family. Each facility seems to have some variation of this basic “treatment plan” which they are required to write and submit every 3 months to the adoptions subsidy dept. [who pays for his residential treatment and housing].

This time I was rated high in the “social support system” category (a +2). I guess they figure I must have some support somewhere if I could pull off getting him funded for another 6 months, but my ratings went way down in the “parenting skills” category. This time I got a -3 (improvement needed). In “communication/interpersonal skills” I got a -2 (limited or ineffective skills).

Why have my parenting and communication skills taken such a sudden drop? The answer is: the therapist has uncovered the “real” problem in this case – John, a relatively normal, impulsive child has a mom who does not “believe in him.” Their assessment rates me in various other ways, if you’re ready, here we go:

intellectual capacity: 0 (average or above average)
literacy: 0 (literate)
resource management: +1 (strong money management skills)
sexual abuse: -2 (failed to protect child from sexual abuse)

But here is where we see the real “new insight” the therapist has come to (as listed under the family strengths and needs assessment section:

“…It is clear that he (John) does have problems. However, all behavior occurs within a context. The context of the interactions between John and Ms Smith are becoming clear. There are some significant communication problems. In addition to this, there seems to be a problem in the relationship….” and on and on.

Under the “parenting skills” (-3) section we get to the crux of the matter:

” ….the parental relationship will be addressed in family therapy to address this issues so that the underlying skills “(my underlying basically appropriate parenting skills)”can again be used. In addition, some new skills and specific interactions for John could be learned. The issue related to John having FASD is one such problem. It is clear that John has some brain damage and this is probably related to his in utero exposure. However, this does not have to scar him for life and he can retrain his brain. John has picked up on some of her negative views. This has been addressed in family therapy and will continue to be addressed with Ms Smith individually as well as between her and John.”

So if we can read between the lines here we see that John’s main problem is that his mom thinks he has a brain problem that will scar him for life. She has subtly communicated this to him, and this has caused him a real problem that underlies all his other behavioral problems. When this gets cleared up, his behaviors will improve. His wounds from this parental mistreatment will be healed. When Ms Smith comes to her senses and recognizes that John has a mild form of FAS that can be overcome, stops sending him negative messages, and start “believing in him,” then all will be well. Mr. Therapist will work therapeutically to enlighten Ms. Smith and, if successful, major family issues will be resolved, John’s behavior will be impacted in a positive way, and he will be ready to be reunited with his family.

Mr. Therapist met with me privately before last Wednesday’s family therapy session and began is “therapeutic work” with me. Finding it somewhat difficult to sit through this “therapy,” I took notes, just to be sure I was not misunderstanding his intentions. Although Mr. Therapist became somewhat heated and loud at times when I asked my questions, I was able to maintain my composure most of the time, though my pen did slip once or twice.

I will only quote highlights:

Mr. Therapist: “You are only just focused on FASD and its limitations”

(I, who have advocated for FASD strengths possibilities publicly for some time, sat calmly, and kept smiling… using my listening skills learned as a therapist)

Mr. Therapist: “Yes, there is brain damage from FAS, from trauma, from abuse, it is all damage to the brain. Other parts can compensate for the damaged area. There is nature and nurture. Down’s syndrome, autism, that is nature, that is genetic. FAS is not genetic, it is environmental, in the womb. You, Ms Smith, see it as all nature, and think it can’t change. Other areas of his brain can compensate for the damage. You need nurture.”

Ms Smith: “So, did you get some special training on FASD that I am unaware of? I haven’t heard of this FAS teaching.”

Mr. Therapist: “Yes, I had developmental psych in college. I know all about FASD.”

Ms Smith: “If you’d like some more up to date FASD information, I can get you connected with FREE training provided through the State.”

Mr Therapist: “We don’t need training. It’s not going to help because we already know, and it won’t have any direct impact on our treatment for John. “

Ms Smith: I find it interesting that after 6 months John is on level 3 in talk therapy, and is just now getting to level 1.5 in his behavior on the unit. Can you help me understand why this is the case?”

Mr. Therapist: “Well, yes. This is because he came in to us at such a low level of functioning.”

Ms. Smith: “You mean, like he started of at a -3? And this would be as a result of his home environment?”

Mr. Therapist: “Yes, that, and at [his prior foster home].”

Ms Smith: “So, just let me clarify if I am hearing what you are saying. The problem is mostly environmental. You can address that here, and get good resolution with my cooperation. Any FASD issues are minimal, and can be overcome. And you don’t want any free training from the State to bring you up to speed on FASD, because you don’t need it.

Mr. Therapist: “yes”

Hope you enjoyed reading this entertaining saga…to be continued.

We are all on a journey!

I fully intended on just publishing this and not commenting on it, but I just can’t! I have no formal training on FAS, only personal experience, but apparently that is much more than this “trained” therapist has! No, this boy doesn’t act out because of her mother’s negativity or her focus on his FAS. He has FAS – brain damage – and all the negativity or positivity in the world will not change that. He is who he is – HELLO!

I have never once discussed FAS with one of my sons who has behaviors just like John. Her emails about what her son’s actions are like could have been written by me about MY son. I have never one time set limitations on what my son could accomplish or discouraged him from setting realistic goals just like anyone else who doesn’t have FAS. We have never treated him like he has a disability, and if you didn’t know him well, you’d never know he has FAS. Yet, his behavior is the same as John’s. So explain that! How about we fire all the therapists and hire all the moms who really know? I especially was appalled at this statement made by the therapist: “Other areas of his brain can compensate for the damage. You need nurture.”

Uh, no you can’t! While it is true that FAS kids can learn skills and new ways of doing things, it is NOT true that you can ignore or wish away the alcohol damage. Everyone in the world, except apparently this therapist, knows that alcohol damage is forever and all the nurturning in the world will not change that! This man needs to quit his job and take up gardening – he needs to nurture plants far away from our children who need real help.

A Little Background on 14 Year Old John

By Val Frania

In Adoption, FAS

An email sent to me from Mrs. Smith…

I adopted John at birth, 3 days old through foster care. I attended an FAS training, for professional purposes, when he was 2, and began seeing the unmistakable “red flags” that said he might be alcohol affected. I’m a teacher by my training and experience, so I knew “normal” and what was outside the normal.

He had trouble in school, so I began homeschooling him at age 7. He was diagnosed officially at age 8. He is FASD….. has a normal IQ, and looks and acts for all the world as normal,or “very bright” when you first meet him. Therapists have a hard time thinking he’s not “normal.” He talks very well, and his thinking problems do not appear until you see him in action over time.

He became increasingly hard to manage as he grew up. I placed him in as structured a school program as I could find for 4th grade when he was 10, he went into residential treatment after being twice suspended and removed from his charter school, at the age of 12….. in the middle of his 5th grade year. He’s been in residential since then. He is now 14.

He is a physically strong and healthy young man. He can cook, follow directions well, and is great at chores. He planted and cared for a garden 2 years in a row. He is a great yard worker, and landscape worker. He has potential he can use. He is sorry for his bad behavior in the past, and wants to grow up and do good in society. I am very interested in the new farm idea being proposed here for FASD young adults. I am hoping he can be part of that as it develops.

Neurobiofeedback for Children with FAS

By Val Frania

In FAS

Click here to read an article on a possible treatment for FAS or ADHD. Ther is also an article about a personal family experience with the neurobiofeedback treatment by Carol Cole.

Drunk for Life: Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

By Val Frania

In Adoption

Gail Harris, who has worked with Arizona children with FAS and FAE since the 1970s as a special education teacher, worries about children with FAE. “Fetal alcohol effect is a hidden handicap,” Harris said. “The kid looks normal, but his behavior or his ability to learn is severely impaired. We feel like they should be able to control themselves more than they can. So we end up blaming the child.”

Theresa Kellerman, a Tucson parent advocate, said children with FAE often come across as brighter than they are. “The expectations are so high because they can come across as really intelligent.” Ruth Solomon teaches at-risk kids at Kellond Elementary School and believes many of them have FAE. “These are the gray-area kids, and there are no special classes for them,” she said. “This sounds horrible, but they are too dumb to be smart, too smart to be dumb. Some of the kids with FAE fall into this range.”

Solomon believes the number of FAE kids is growing. “So many of these kids are being born to women who think, ‘What do a couple of drinks do?’ But it can do so much damage.” “Kids with FAE appear to be normal otherwise, and that’s a big problem. FAE can be a bigger problem than FAS because it is so widespread and because people tend to discount its importance.”

To read this article in its entirety click here. It is a very, very long article from Southern Arizona Online a publication of The Tucson Citizen, but is probably the best one I’ve read in a long time. It explains Fetal Alcohol Syndrome by telling the stories of those affected by it. It’s definitely worth the read. I was able to identify with the stories because we have raised children with these issues for over 20 years. More than half of my children have the characteristics indicative of FAE/FAS.

An Email From an Old Friend

By Val Frania

In Adoption

Years ago, Mark and I formed an adoption support group called KIN Adoption Advocates (Kids In Need). Mostly we met together as families and shared experiences, but occasionally we were able to match up families with adoptable children who were special needs. By the end of our time in KIN, we had successfully helped place 16 children who had been waiting for a home. Below is a letter from one of the adoptive moms whom we helped find a child. Her son has been diagnosed with FAS (Fetal Alcohol syndrome). She found me last week on Facebook. We hadn’t spoken in years and it’s been nice catching up. Here is one of her emails to me:

“We left a church a year ago this past November because of some of these things [People not understanding the special needs of FAS kids]. Sadly, it was people who should definitely be a better example, the Pastor and his wife & kids. Their son is a real bully, and one day they are going to have to acknowledge it because he’ll do something they can’t gloss over. The mother is also a bully, sad to say, and singled out particular kids for shaming and bullying. They didn’t really believe anything about John’s disability. We’ve been in a church for about a year now where they are far more accepting of special needs. It’s a small, independent Baptist church.

I actually have 3 friends who “get it”. One is a local home-school mom with 13 kids, 11 adopted, six from Africa, and 5 from foster care system. One is my best “local” girl friend, she is also a homeschool mom with 2 boys, one in high school, one in college. My very dearest friend is a homeschool mom who lived here.[until recently]. She has 3 kids, age 10, 8 & 7.

Frequently, the boys and I pack up and go visit them for 3 or 4 days at a time. We go their for her kids birthdays and they come here for our kids birthdays. They were here last month for John’s birthday, and will be here next week for Joe’s. She gets it like you wouldn’t believe. She’s known us since shortly after we moved here; we went to the same church. That’s when John was 4. She’s seen the changes in him and frequently encourages me as a mom. She wrote such a glowing reference letter for us for this homestudy update! And she has agreed to take our kids and raise them if something were to happen to both of us. She has somewhat “challenging” children, so she totally gets it, because over the years she’s received the same kind of nasty comments about her kids and her parenting. People just don’t get that you can’t always just “discipline them more” or “spank them more”. There are kids that you could spank until they are dragging you off to jail and it would not change a behavior, that sometimes you just have to find other ways. We had a woman at a former church say she wished John didn’t even know he had FAS, that it’s just an excuse, and that if we just were tougher on him he’d be more pleasant to be around (he actually is pleasant most of the time, and better behaved than at least one of her kids ever thought of being). We’ve been told to lighten up and give him more freedom to run like the other kids, but when we do, something happens and he gets the blame. You know the drill. L

I think removing John from school all those years ago was the best thing we ever could have done for him. He still has that innocence, and we haven’t lost him to peers. We’ve talked with him a lot over the years about FAS and what it means for him, and he understands that he will be with us for as long as he needs to be. He understands that other kids his “age on paper” will get to do things he won’t be doing. A girl told him a couple years ago that her mom said it was ok if she “likes him for a boyfriend”, and John told her “no, my mom and dad will tell me if I am ever ready to have a girlfriend”. I was very proud of him for that!”

Mary