A Support Community for Moms

Anyone Sucking the Life Out of You?

I’ve always wondered why there are some people who, after spending time with them, leave me empty. You know, as you interact with them it feels like they are drying out your spirit like an old piece of bread that sat on top your fridge for a week. Having adopted kids with special needs, I’ve probably had more experience with this than the average, because I’ve lived with very needy people 24/7/52/12. I’m sure some of my kids remember very well me telling them that they “suck the life out of me.” Why is this? Well, I found out today in Sunday School. It’s very clear and I have verses to back up the explanation. I love it when things come together and you just want to hit yourself on the forehead with the palm of your hand and say, “duh!” That’s what happened with me this morning. Actually, it’s been happening a lot lately – what a blessing that has been!

“For, brethren, ye have been called unto liberty; only use not liberty for an occasion to the flesh, but by love serve one another. For all the law is fulfilled in one word, even in this; Thou shalt love thy neighbour as thyself. But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another. This I say then, Walk in the Spirit, and ye shall not fulfil the lust of the flesh. For the flesh lusteth against the Spirit, and the Spirit against the flesh: and these are contrary the one to the other: so that ye cannot do the things that ye would. But if ye be led of the Spirit, ye are not under the law.” Galatians 5:13-18

This is the deal. You know those people who just suck the life out of you? It’s because they’re not walking in the Spirit. If they were, they’d want to serve others, lift up and edify people rather than take from them. We all know people who constantly want something from us. They are downtrodden in spirit, needy and demanding. If we walk in the Spirit we will be consumed with serving God by serving others. If we walk in the flesh, we are consumed with ourselves and think others ought to be too. The Bible cautions us to be careful because if everyone in the church is a “canibalistic christian,” we’ll soon devour each other and there’ll be no one left to serve and glorify God. The Bible says our soul will be made “fat” if we love and serve God. Perhaps that’s so when others who do not walk in the Spirit need our help, we’ll be able to meet their needs. We need to be “filled” so we have to give to others. I believe in the law of reciprocity. If we give to others for the cause of Christ and drink at the well of living water often, we’ll be well supplied.

Proverbs 11:25 “The liberal soul shall be made fat: and he that watereth shall be watered also himself.”

And just a side note: You can train, counsel, and teach a person, meeting their needs consistenly every day, but still never see a change in them. Why? Because without a change in their heart and a sincere desire to walk in the Spirit everything will just be superficial. They’ll take from you and use you up, but not become closer to God. Of course we can’t make them desire to know God and serve Him, only the Holy Spirit can woo a person’s spirit, but we can show them who Christ is by the way we live. Everything we do should direct them to Christ. The rest is up to God.  Even if our efforts are successful, we cannot claim the glory for it. It is all of and by God. We are only to obey and be His vessel to do His good work. It’s not about us.

Let me say it again. We are not responsible for the results, nor can we claim the glory. We are only to be obedient and point others to Christ.


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  1. momofmany

    Women are nurturers, which lends itself to not knowing when to say, “No.” Personally, I used to think that God expected me always be available and serve whoever needed me. But a wise man once said that “Opportunity doesn’t mean obligation.” (Pastor R.B. Ouellette) I have deducted that I must be available for those that God speaks to me about – that I need to have such a listening ear to the Holy Spirit’s promptings that I know what to do for whom. I need to put my family, especially my husband first, and then look to serve others.

    Why do we let them suck the life out of us? Sometimes we have this faulty thought that we are more valuable when we sacrifice ourselves for others – this is true to a point. But we are not to spend all of ourselves on those who never change and are using us for selfish gains. We are to use discernment. I will be the first to serve others who need me if God so directs. Just make sure God is the one directing. Some of us are caught up in the martyr complex – we enjoy being misused so we can complain about it and gain others’ sympathy. This is not good either. Serve, yes, but make sure you are not enabling. Sometimes it’s best for us NOT to help. Seek God’s direction.

    If you want to talk via email, let me know.

  2. laureen

    I enjoyed reading this because this is exactly how ifeel lately that people are sucking the life out of me and only want me well so they canhave me take care of them. i need help = why do i let them?

  3. roopa

    You know my fil sucks the life out of me. He is an “Impossible” character. I feel drained after havin even the simplest of conversation or even when he is nearby.

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