Mom of Many – Page 14 – A Support Community for Moms

Living Our Faith

His name is Tim. He has wild hair, wears a T-shirt with holes in it, jeans, and no shoes. This was literally his wardrobe for his entire four years of college. He is brilliant. Kind of profound and very, very bright. He became a Christian while attending college. Across the street from the campus is a well-dressed, very conservative church. They want to develop a ministry to the students but are not sure how to go about it..

One day Tim decides to go there. He walks in with no shoes, jeans, his T-shirt, and wild hair. The service has already started and so Tim starts down the aisle looking for a seat.. The church is completely packed and he can’t find a seat. By now,people are really looking a bit uncomfortable, but no one says anything. Tim gets closer and closer and closer to the pulpit, and when he realizes there are no seats, he just squats down right on the carpet. By now the people are really uptight, and the tension in the air is thick.

About this time, the minister realizes that from way at the back of the church, a deacon is slowly making his way toward Tim. Now the deacon is in his eighties, has silver-gray hair, and a three-piece suit. A godly man, very elegant, very dignified, very courtly. He walks with a cane and, as he starts walking toward this boy, everyone is saying to themselves that you can’t blame him for what he’s going to do. How can you expect a man of his age and of his background to understand some college kid on the floor?

It takes a long time for the man to reach the boy. The church is utterly silent except for the clicking of the man’s cane. All eyes are focused on him. You can’t even hear anyone breathing. The minister can’t even preach the sermon until the deacon does what he has to do. And now they see this elderly man drop his cane on the floor. With great difficulty, he lowers himself and sits down next to Tim and worships with him so he won’t be alone. Everyone chokes up with emotion…

When the minister gains control, he says, ‘What I’m about to preach, you will never remember. What you have just seen, you will never forget.’ ‘Be careful how you live. You may be the only Bible some people will ever read!’

Free KJV CD

By Val Frania

In Deals

Request a free audio version of the KJV Bible here, while supplies last, one per family.

Thanks, Money Saving Mom

Parenting is Your Highest Calling & Eight Other Myths

By Val Frania

In Book Reviews, recommendations, Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

Have you every had a passionate belief that you couldn’t put into words? You knew it had a Biblical foundation, but for the life of you, you couldn’t nail it down or explain it well enough without making you sound like you were making excuses or justifying yourself? This book, Parenting is Your Hightest Calling & Eight Other Myths by Leslie Leyland Fields does a great job at explaining the ins and outs of parental responsibility and dispels the myths that are so prevalant in Christian society – myths that I ran into in my parenting experience.

She outlines 9 myths that many parents buy into that can cause grief and disappointment when their parenting experience doesn’t the bring the results they’d expected. As a mother of 15 children, 13 of whom are special needs adopted, I saw how the blame game is easily entered into by those who have a tendency to judge others, especially Christian leaders who take credit for their own children’s successes. It is my desire to see that parents are encouraged and loved, not expected to be perfect or to take on the responsibility that was only God’s to begin with.

Here are the 9 myths Leslie outlines in her book:

1. Having Children Makes You Happy and Fulfilled.
2. Nurturing Your Children Is Natural
3. Parenting Is your Highest Calling
4. Good Parenting Leads to Happy Children
5. If You Find Parenting Difficult, You Must Not Be Following the Right Plan
6. You Represent Jesus to Your Children
7. You Will Always Feel Unconditional love for Your Children
8. Successful Parents Produce Godly Children
9. God Approves of Only One Family Design

Her basic premise is that we as parents are required by God to be faithful, to follow His basic guidelines for holy living and endeavor to teach the same precepts to our children. That’s it. We are to leave the results up to Him. He is the one who will woo their hearts, call them to repentance and a life of service to Him. We can’t do that. Only God is able to take our children and make them into something He can use.

I have seen and experienced the extreme pressure from others to measure up as the perfect Christian parent – too often reminded that “if we do our job, our kids will turn out right” and “if they stumble and fall it is ultimately our fault.” This advice is given without the slightest bit of acknowledgement that God is the One who shapes the believer and determines their path in life. In her book, Leslie reminds us of parents in the Bible who lived a faithful, godly life only to experience disappointment in their parenting experience. The business of parenting is hard enough. We certainly don’t need to be bogged down by misplaced condemnation. This is a very encouraging book and I recommend it to every parent.

Thank you Leslie, for sending it to me. I wish I’d read it years ago.

You can get this book at Amazon.com for $11.19 and Christianbook.com for $10.99.

Isaac Newton by Mitch Stokes

By Val Frania

In Book Reviews

This book, from Christian Encounters by Mitch Stokes, is a biography on Isaac Newton. It gives an inspiring look into a man’s life who considered his faith to be the starting point as he delved into the world of science and mathematics. Though a short book, I found it to be very interesting, sparking my desire to learn more of this amazing man from the past.

Through his God given intellect, obsession for detail, and a penchant for solitude and study, he made amazing discoveries, contributing to our world like none other. The part I was particularly encouraged by was the fact that Isaac Newton saw the scientific world as a way to explain God’s wondrous works in nature. It appears that his desire to understand the intricisies of the world was fueled by his study of theology and desire to know God. His life demonstrated his belief that, “To be constantly engaged in studying and probing into God’s actions was true worship.”

The surprising part of Isaac Newton’s life was his obvious humility. Though he was brilliant and ahead of his peers in his discoveries, he was surprisingly quiet about it. Only after a tremendous amount of prodding from his fellow scientists and philosophers did he agree to publish his work. It is fortunate for us that he did and yet it leads me to wonder what other discoveries, the ones he did not share with the world, he made and what a difference it may have made to the world if he had shared them.

This would be a great book to add to your children’s reading list. We need to introduce our children to real men of faith. Our world is so full of fake, self-absorbed people who are sending the wrong message to our kids. This book will provide them with a view of a man who sought God in every area of his personal and professional life. I recommend this book to both adults and students.

Disclosure of Material Connection: I received this book free from Thomas Nelson Publishers as part of their BookSneeze.com <http://BookSneeze.com> book review bloggers program. I was not required to write a positive review. The opinions I have expressed are my own. I am disclosing this in accordance with the Federal Trade Commission’s 16 CFR, Part 255.

A Plea for Help From an Adoptive Parent

By Val Frania

In Adoption, FAS

I have a friend on my adoptive parents Yahoo email group who is in dire need of a solution to her family problem. She’s in the place we were months ago with no solution in sight. She has one week. I am asking prayer for her and her family as well as any input you all might has as to a solution. Below is part of her story from her blog, Adoption Drama…The System. She lives in Michigan. The comment in red with brackets is mine.

Michigan’s Post-Adoption Support Fails Youth, Families, and the Community.

I am an adoptive mom and a professional in the foster care system. I cannot sit back and watch the post adopt system fail our children. The children that are in adoptive homes today and those awaiting adoption. At the time of adoption, some children qualify for Michigan’s Adoption Subsidy support – medical and/or financial support. The concept of this support is to provide adopted children and their families with the support they need to meet the needs of the adopted child that were present prior to adoption. These needs are considered prior to signing of the adoption document. A family has to option of submitting documentation after the adoption is finalized to add other conditions that were present before adoption but not diagnosed until after adoption. No where in any of the support, does it say there is a limit to how much they will cover for the qualified condition.

My son is 16. He came into foster care when he was 4 and adopted when he was 5. The conditions he lived in prior to adoption have had a lasting impact on who he is and how he operates in society. Its like he is miss-wired because of the abuse he suffered (prenatal drug exposure, severe physical abuse and neglect). His behaviors started around age 6 and became out of control at age 12. Things continued to escalate and he went for residential treatment at 14 1/2 years of age. Well in the first facility, things got worse and he acted out more, placing more people in danger. He was moved to another residential program and spent the last 1 1/2 years there. He’s completed their program but not without incident. Their program has not addressed all of his behaviors or needs, but has touched the tip of the iceberg.

FUNDING HAS STOPPED. Despite the fact that he has not addressed the initial needs that placed him at risk or a danger to himself or others, FUNDING HAS STOPPED. It doesn’t seem to matter that the need hasn’t stopped – the qualifying need that got him adoption subsidy. But all they can say is, “FUNDING HAS STOPPED.”

The reality is that if he makes any of the same choices he made prior to going to residential treatment, he will go to prison. The reality is that he has lived in a very structured program of 2 years and they are just open the door and send him on his way. No transition back into the community, even though programs exist to help him transition back and be successful. All this because FUNDING HAS STOPPED.

Where is the adoption subsidy support that is suppose to help him get the care to address the needs without a limit? Without a limit doesn’t align with “Funding has stopped.” Helping him be as successful as he can be given the past he was dealt, isn’t a part of their plan. Where are my son’s rights to care and treatment from adoption subsidy?

The transitional program costs money. If I had the money, I’d pay for it myself. I don’t have the kind of money the program costs. I want nothing more than for my son and the other adopted children in the same situation and the foster children with the same struggles that are waiting to be adopted to have a chance for a successful future. To be given the opportunity to use the “support” from adoption subsidy they were promised. As adoptive parents, if we don’t pick them up when funding ends even though the need has not, the state threatens to file CPS neglect charges on the parent. Yet, Adoption Subsidy it the one who is neglecting their need and the agreement to support the treatment of that need. [If we bring them home and a child is hurt, we will be charged with “failure to protect. This is a lose/lose situation for the adoptive families.]

Please help me help my son and others in the same situation. Our funding is scheduled to end on 3/19/2010. Coming home places me and the other children in the home at risk due to his violent and sexual behaviors. He has threatened to kill me and tried once before. I love my son dearly and want for him to have a chance of being successful. Home and back in the community is not where he belongs right now.

Stroganoff

By Val Frania

In recipes

2 – 3 lbs. of any type of beef, cut into bite sized pieces
2 1/2 cups water
7 beef boullion cubes
three small onions, minced
2 cans of mushroom soup
1 cup sour cream
1 lb. egg noodles (1 bag)

Add water, beef, and onions to crockpot and cook on HIGH for 4 hours. Then add crushed up boullion cubes and mushroom soup and let heat through (about an hour). Add egg noodles and the sour cream about a half an hour – 45 minutes before serving, allowing the noodles to cook until tender.

Variation: Use ground beef. Fry the hamburger and onions in a pot, then transfer to crockpot and turn to HIGH. Add the rest of the ingredients except for the sour cream and noodles. Heat through. Add egg noodles and sour cream about a half an hour before serving, allowing the noodles to cook until tender. Before adding the noodles, make sure there is enough water. You can tell by stirring the noodles into the mix, making sure they are sufficiently covered with mix and water. If you add water, add it hot so it won’t slow down your cooking process.

Copy Cat Recipes

By Val Frania

In In the Kitchen

Click here for an e-book of copy-cat recipes from some of your favorite restaurants.

Friends

By Val Frania

In Musings

I recently received a sweet thank you card from a friend and it set me to thinking about all the wonderful friends I’ve accumulated over the years. Each one has something special about them that drew me to them. Vee has been the one I appreciate for her bold honesty. When I was going through some very difficult ministry moments, she was the one who boldly supported me to the extent I would always walk away confident and felt understood. God used her to help me sleep at night when I knew all was lost. I could depend on her to state it like it was without embellishing or covering up to be “politically correct.” I have another friend, Jamie, who is the same way. I would always think of Jamie as someone I needed to be more like – I couldn’t put my finger on what that meant until recently when I read the book, Boundaries. She loves intensely and is fiercely loyal but if you annoy her, she tells you so, and won’t hesitate to bop you on the head to keep you in your place. She complains that this is a negative characteristic, but I wish I could be more like her. I could have avoided a lot of painful situations if I had some of her fire. The book showed me what it is about her that I was missing in my life. She is very good at putting up her boundaries and not letting others step over them. This is something I’ve been working on successfully as of late. It is that quality in her that makes me admire her so and enjoy her company.

Being a loyal and “safe” friend is very important. This is a rare quality, but one I must have in my close friends. Take Pam, for instance. She and her sister, Linda, became my sisters because they latched onto me during a time of crisis. This cemented our lives together like nothing else. Linda was the kind compassionate one who didn’t want details; she just spread out her compassion on me like a warm blanket. Everyone needs someone kind in their lives – it reminds them of our forever loving Savior. Pam on the other hand makes me feel like a little a little kid hiding under the blanket with a flashlight giggling at night when the lights were turned out. We laugh, we commiserate, and we laugh some more. We turn everything into an amusing tale after all is said and done and we must put it behind us. She wants details and she wants them now! She makes me smile when I don’t feel like it. We agree and disagree, but she always ends with, “It’s just my opinion and you are my sister and I love you no matter what.” So this is what adoption is like!

Then there is Laura. She was the one who saw how wicked my “interesting” children could be but loved them and me anyway. She was the one that would observe or suspect things and come and tell me. She did it right. She sandwiched the telling with support and kindness. I never felt condemned like so many others made me feel and I knew she was filling me in because she knew I needed to know – yet she never took joy in the telling like so many others. I was never fearful when she approached me because I knew she wore the robe of caring. She demonstrated the Savior’s love for my kids in a way few did. Her husband is just like her. This is what a “safe” friend is like. You know you’ll not suffer for anything you shared with them.

Chris is a friend who is pursuing godly living and is very vocal about it. This is someone I can tell things to and know that she’ll take the time to sort it all out and apply biblical truth to – no matter how it turns out. She believes in fairness and remembers we are human and need compassionate forgiveness – especially for “interesting” children! She “gets it.” She can see a bad situation and waits for the explanation before jumping to conclusions! She is a student of the Word and I enjoy debating with her over biblical concepts and how they’re to be applied. I would want her by my side if I ever went into war! She still has that spark that so many have lost – a desire to grow.

This is just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to friends. I’ve only named a few but have dozens of others I consider kindred spirits. I am blessed to be able to make friends and keep them regardless of time or distance. I was recently telling my boys why I considered Belinda to be a forever friend. I told them that I know every time we went somewhere she would be my protector to the death! It makes me smile to think of one time she told me, “You never need to worry about anybody messing with you when I’m around!” She is the type of friend that time and distance will change nothing. We can pick up where we left off without missing a beat.

I have some new friends, Denise, Deb, Nancy, MaryMargaret and Linda who I call healers. They listen, they show kindness, and then listen some more – always ready to rejoice over each little triumph. They suggest books, give hugs and praise God for my answers to prayer with me. I came to them a little over year ago with a ton of heaviness and over time they were used to administer the balm of acceptance, enabling me to come out of a dark pit that I had been thrown into. Our friendship has centered around studying of the Word. They are transparent. I like that.

As I look over the descriptions of my friends, new and old, I see a common thread. It is also a list of the qualities I enjoy in my Lord – loyalty, kindness, understanding, empathy, safety, etc. It’s not very hard to see why I consider them close friends. Jesus is a friend that sticks closer than a brother – and so are they.

The Myth of the Perfect Parent

By Val Frania

In Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

An article in the January Christianity Today is a good read for parents everywhere who struggle with the question, “I’ve done all I know to do, all that God asked of me, but my child just isn’t following what I have taught them. What more could I have done?” It points out how we as Christian parents may have misunderstood our role of parenting – as being much more powerful than it really is, leaving out the sovereignty and grace of God in the process. There is definitely a trend in modern Christianity to ignore the fact that God is the One who will do the mighty work. We lean way to much on our own faulty abilities and understanding, thinking if we “do it right,” all be well. If we believe it is all up to us, then where does God figure in? Yes, my parents’ role did influence and teach me toward God, but in the end, God called me and I answered. When that happened, all my parents could do was hope and pray. They were not part of that equation when it was just God and me, alone in that moment. They cannot get the glory in my life, only God can. They will be rewarded for their faithfulness, obviously, but not because I grew up to serve God, but because they fulfilled their role – to be faithful. They will enjoy the fruit of their labor, but God still gets the credit – all the glory for whatever He has done through me.

Who’s In Control?

Excerpt from “The Myth of the Perfect Parent” – Cover story from Christianity Today, January 2010

Why the best parenting techniques don’t produce Christian children

Leslie Leyland Fields | posted 1/08/2010 10:16AM

To read this story in its entirety, go here. Here is an excerpt from the story:

We must assume, then, that there is serious error in our beliefs about parenting. We have made far too much of ourselves and far too little of God, reflecting our sinful bent to see ourselves as more essential and in control than we actually are. It’s also our heritage as good Americans, psychologist Harriet Lerner observed in her 1998 book, The Mother Dance: We believe that we can fix every problem, that we are masters over our fate. The root of much of our pain in parenting, she writes, is “the belief that we should have control over our children when it is hard enough to have control over ourselves.”

The reflex to judge ourselves by our children, and to judge others by their children, has further implications: It reveals a faulty view of spiritual formation. We often expect that the children of believing parents, whether the children claim Christ yet or not, will show the same kind of spiritually mature attitudes and behavior we hope to see in each other: love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, and obedience, as a beginning list.

When we engage in spiritual determinism and a human view of spiritual formation, we can easily fall into judging others. Jeanine, a friend of mine for years, told me that her sixth-grade daughter, Julia, who was struggling with her identity and making friends, was labeled “demon-possessed” by another family in the church. “Some people—even in church—have already written her off. And she’s only 11 years old,” Jeanine told me. The judgment was not only on her daughter’s spiritual condition but also on her own.

The Awesome Power of a Wife’s Love

By Val Frania

In Humor

A very old man lay dying in his bed. In death’s doorway, he suddenly smelled the aroma of his favorite chocolate chip cookie wafting up the stairs.

He gathered his remaining strength and lifted himself from the bed. Leaning against the wall, he slowly made his way out of the bedroom, and with even greater effort forced himself down the stairs, gripping the railing with both hands.

With labored breath, he leaned against the door frame, gazing into the kitchen. Were it not for death’s agony, he would have thought himself already in heaven. There, spread out on newspapers on the kitchen table were literally hundreds of his favorite chocolate chip cookies.

Was it heaven? Or was it one final act of heroic love from his devoted wife, seeing to it that he left this world a happy man?

Mustering one great final effort, he threw himself toward the table. The aged and withered hand, shaking, made its way to a cookie at the edge of the table, when he was suddenly smacked with a spatula by his wife.

“Stay out of those,” she said. “They’re for the funeral.