Category: Things I’ve Learned Page 2 of 6

This ranges from Spiritual truths to just plain lessons in life.

How well do you supervise your older kids? {Mom of Many}

How well do you supervise your older kids? Parenting Tip #21

In Adoption, Family, Parenting tips, Things I've Learned

I hear comments occasionally from parents who think they are obligated to give their kids complete privacy…um no, I never did.

They don’t:

look through their kids’ stuff.
check up on them to make sure they are where they are supposed to be.
find out who their friends are or who they hang with.
talk often with teachers and coaches.
require accountability with schoolwork, school and church activities or how they spend their free time.

Adding to that they:

give their kids phones without any accountability.
let them go to homes of people they don’t know.
allow dating at an early age.
allow unsupervised internet browsing.
allow unlimited gaming or other “fun” that could turn into time wasting or obsession.

Moms! One way we protect our kids is by supervision.

I knew all of my kids’ friends.
I knew where they were at all times (unless of course, they were sneaky about it – but I eventually found out).
We didn’t allow sleep overs at other homes (We learned that lesson quickly).
We didn’t allow them to own cell phones.
We often looked through their rooms.
There was never any Internet browsing and any computer time was limited and supervised (out in the open, never in their rooms).

Granted, I had some “interesting children” but I only went to extremes when necessary. Otherwise, we made it clear to all of our kids that as long as they were living under our roof during the years we are responsible for them, there was to be no expected privacy. (Except for obvious personal time).

We didn’t allow dating – at all.

We did encourage good friendships. I told them you can’t necessarily control your feelings but you can control what you do about them.

One year we had a child in our home for a Christmas visit that would call our boys into the bathroom and shut the door to whisper ideas of badness. Oh boy did we had trouble with a capital “T”. It led to some pretty bad behavior and attitudes. We squelched the activity, but a little too late.

Don’t make the same mistake we did. By the time we knew something was up, it was too late.

Supervise. Supervise. S.U.P.E.R.V.I.S.E.

Do your best to limit your kids’ exposure to troubled kids. Ever heard of “rebel radar?”
Watch for whisperings and plotting if you have “interesting kids.”
Keep a good line of communication open to get a feel for your kids’ attitude and experiences.
You want your kids to know you are watching them – be ever present. Be around. Be present.
Watch. See. Ponder. Ask. Be involved. Be present. Be wise. Be open and obvious.
Listen to that small still inner voice – If you are a believer, it’s the Holy Spirit warning you!

This is what my DD said about our supervision during her growing up years: “Paying attention to who your kids hang out with… It annoyed me when I was younger – you paying attention to who I hung out with so much…(now she says) but good job!”

Do you supervise? Do you get criticized by others about how much you supervise? We were criticized by some saying we didn’t criticize enough (though I can’t imagine anyone supervising more than I did) and we were criticized that we supervised too much. Only you know your child best and only you can decide how much is needed. Each child is different and you have to parent differently for each child – yep, you guessed it. We were criticized for that too.

The thing is…I have complete confidence that I did all I could to bring them up right. I don’t stress over my part, don’t doubt or even look back and wish I had done more. You too can be that confident!

Until next time,

Join the Mom of Many mailing list for tips on parenting and free stuff like word art and giveaways. You will also be invited to our exclusive M.O.M.s Facebook group where we chat every day about mom stuff. Just click below:

Has Your Child Rejected Your Faith? {Mom of Many}

Has your child rejected your faith? Parenting Tip #11

By Val Frania

In Family, Parenting tips, Things I've Learned

I asked my some of my newest M.O.M. members this question:

“If you had to name one parenting moment or a behavioral issues you couldn’t get victory over, what would it be?”

This is one mom’s question:

“Okay Val, I’ll give you mine – and I’d be thrilled if you have an answer: [How do you handle] adult children who turn their back on everything they’ve been taught about the Gospel? No victory yet with the almost 30-year old. I’m excited about the group and hope it will be a blessing.”

Here is my answer:

There was a time that I would just say, “Hope for the best and let God do the rest.” But now that I’m on the other side with several of my kids, I can say with confidence that you will see your child come back to God if he truly was saved when he was in your home. If not, then your example and training will give him a starting point that God will use one day to draw him to Himself. Either way you can have the confidence to know you have done what God put you in his life to do.

I have seen a good majority of our kids leave our home saying they would follow God only to run to the world and “enjoy” the sin it affords. BUT through the prayers of those who care for them and the fact that God doesn’t let go of His own, you can be sure that God will one day capture his heart. How long that will be remains to be seen, but realize that your job is done – God is in charge of them from now on.

Sometimes God sees a weakness in our child’s lives and allows them to go their own way to teach them something. But He will only let them go so far before He reels them in. You can trust God – He knows just what to do. I used to fear what would happen to my kids – feared their pain or loss. But I have come to treasure whatever God allows in their lives to change them. My trust in my God has tripled since I’ve seen Him work through my kids’ lives. I have a better understanding and know Him more. God changes us through our kids. That is a good thing. We can find solace in knowing that God knows what He is doing and we can trust Him.

The only thing you should do is keep your life in line as example and let God deal with the rest. Just love your son, accept him as he is and don’t push or question him. Let him know you are leaving him in God’s hands and you no longer are responsible for him. It will keep your relationship safe for him and leave him free to make the decision to follow God without thinking he is “giving in” because of you.

God cares for him. God cares for you and if they are important to you, that puts them at the top of God’s list – simply because you are important to Him. Don’t stress, just enjoy your son and let him feel accepted. Accept where he is and have peace about it. We can be sad, but we can still have peace. No judgements. It frees you and frees him. It’s the best place to be.

And BTW, your son hasn’t turned his back on all he knows to be true. God is firmly planted in his heart, he’s just not listening right now. But God is there – He hasn’t moved and never will.

God loves your son more than you do – that’s an awesome truth. Trust it.

If you are in the same boat as this mom, be encouraged.

It’s not just a platitude. I’ve seen it and can tell you for sure, God knows and cares.

He’s got this.

Are you interested in joining our M.O.M. Facebook group?

Click M.O.M.

Or click below ⇓

Do you have parenting goals? Parenting Tip #5

By Val Frania

In Parenting tips, Things I've Learned

Give Yourself a Break

When my kids were still living at home, I often would fall asleep at night stressing over what I had not accomplished that day – it was very self-defeating. “Why did my kids act like terrors today? Why did my son bite my daughter? How is it that I never seem to get the house clean? I’m home all day. I need to do better…”

It is very common to stress over what we didn’t get accomplished that day.

But what about the things we DID accomplish? Were there any wins? Did the kids learn anything? Were they happy and healthy? If they were sick, or got hurt did we help them?

I was fortunate enough to have a DH that would come home and greet me without expectations.

I’d say, “I have NOTHING planned for dinner tonight, so sorry.” or, “The living room is strewn with toys, sorry, watch your step.” You know his response?

He’d come back with, “Are the kids still alive?”

And of course I would reply, “Yes.”

“Then you did great today,” was always his answer.

We moms are hard enough on ourselves.

We don’t need others defining us or telling us what we should or should not do or accomplish in a day’s time.

I distinctly remember one day looking at the clock at 2:00 in the afternoon feeling guilty that I was still in my fuzzy pink bathrobe, crying because I couldn’t seem to get anything done that day because the kids ran me ragged that day.

Uh, uh. Nope. Never again.

Since then I’ve learned that my best is good enough – good enough for my family and good enough for God. God only expects us to be faithful. If we are then we’re good. End of story.

Let’s talk about goals – parenting goals.

While I encourage you not to stress, it’s always good to have goals to shoot for. I’m very goal oriented and tend to analyze EVERYTHING in my life, from how I present myself to what I’ve accomplished in my life. I analyze my relationships and hobbies – how could I do better? How is what I’m doing affecting others?

So I’ve made up a goal sheet for you – a PDF with some spots that you can enter your goals to keep track of your progress and to think through what it is you hope for, dream of and shoot for.

It’s good to have goals.

I’ve made a Parenting Goals Chart for you.

Just click on the picture and I will send you an 8×10 JPG that you can either print in your office with an edge to edge printer or get printed as an 8×10 photo and then cut to the 8×8 square goal chart. Suggestion… Get it printed, cut it and frame it in an 8×8 frame with glass you can write on with a dry erase marker – that way you can write/meet your goal/erase/write again.

If you make progress then you are successful.

Be realistic, but shoot for the stars. We all need goals.

A friend told me of an app that I downloaded on my phone as an encouragement – to keep track of my wins every day. Its’ called WinStreak. Put some things in your life today that encourage you and keep you on track.

Ask yourself, “Are the kids growing, learning and loved?” If you say, “Yes,” Then you are on the right track.

Find friends who are encouragers. Find a good church. Find out who you are and enjoy being who God made you to be.

Now go be amazing – because you are.

I LINK TO THESE GREAT PARTIES

Are You Looking to Be Entertained in Church?

By Val Frania

In Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

What is your motivation for going to church? Really. Be honest. Are you looking for entertainment?

Do you go for the fellowship. Do you go for the programs for your kids? Do you go because you’re supposed to? Do you go because others will think ill of you if you don’t? Do you go for the music or excitement or so you will get a good feeling?

There is a prevalent belief these days that our church much have it all. Here are ten “I wish our church had” areas that often become requirements:

Great, inspiring, fun music
Challenging and exciting preaching
Warm, friendly and attentive members
Self-sacrificing pastor with a well adjusted family ready to serve at a moment’s notice
Smooth running services that are uplifting and leave us wanting more
Quite, happy and well-run nursery, Sunday school, youth group, mom’s group, singles group, etc.
Big savings, no debt
Beautiful building, big fellowship hall, big parking lot free of holes, beautifully manicured lawn
Comfortable chairs/pews, new clean carpet, beautifully decorated ladies’ bathrooms (men don’t care)
Ministry opportunities that fit into our lifestyle and require little time or effort

…and the list goes on.

Do you expect all of this? Guess what…there was no mention of doctrine here.

Our belief system is the most important facet, yet it seems to be the last one considered in many cases.

Do I want all of the above? Sure! As a matter of fact, my DH and I have been discussing and working on all of the above for about a year now. Nobody wants a boring, lifeless worship experience. So we must be always working toward “having it all,” but never rate our church as undesirable or disappointing if it doesn’t.

We have two choices if our church doesn’t line up to our expectations. LEAVE or FIX IT.

We choose to fix it because we have a pastor who wants it all too! YEP. He’s the perfect pastor – not because he’s perfect, but because he has a proper outlook on what a good church is and is willing to work with us with a proper spirit and proper expectations.

If we decided to LEAVE for something we thought was better (but only because God called us to), then we leave with a proper respect for the one we left and never put it down to make ourselves look better. Not every church is right for everybody. We have to find the right one that fits our family. BUT, always make sure it’s for the right reasons: doctrine – especially the doctrine of salvation. It is paramount and must be considered above all else.

The people are the church. The programs are nice but they aren’t the church. The building is nice (some don’t even have a building!), but it’s not the church. We are the church. (Believers)

What she said…

Christ gave himself for the church – not the building or the music or the programs. All of those things are good and can help the church reach others, but we must give proper place to “things.”

There is so much that I want. I want my church to grow and become an exciting vibrant example of how we ought to worship as believers. BUT, I won’t expect everything on my laundry list to happen right now (though I WANT it to!) nor will I sit back and wait for others to do it all (though I WANT them to!).

We must be patient, willing, understanding, wise, hearty, prayerful, kind, studious, faithful…you get the picture.

Let’s dig in and make a difference in our church. Let’s plan and make lists and dream. Let’s not quit, complain, nit pick or oppose. Let’s work together and make our churches what they were intended to be – a hospital for the sick, a refuge for the sinner and a home for the believer.

God is good.

P.S. I’m not targeting anyone or anything or any church. It’s just me thinking out loud and sharing with those who seek to improve their church for God’s glory.

6 Ways to Keep Electronics From Frying Your Kids’ Brains

By Val Frania

In Educating Our Children, Musings, Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

Should we let our children jump into the tech world? Is it safe to let them online? Will their brains get fried? Will they turn into electronics zombies? Will they be socially retarded? Will people think you are a lazy parent?

It’s a fairly new debate. Should your kids play games, search the net, talk to Siri on your iPad, iPhone or laptop?

How much is too much tech?

If we do, how much supervision do they need? How much, how long and how often should they be allowed on the zeroes and ones superhighway?

Let me start out by declaring that each family is different, each child is unique and each parent has different experiences and different opinions based on those experiences.

Some of MY kids (I have 15) were very responsible and could be thrown in the middle of a cesspool and come out clean. Others would struggle, knowing it was nasty stinky but still become a modern day Pig Pen (remember Pig Pen from Charlie Brown?). Others would jump in, lather up in the muck and smile.

So what’s the right answer?

Balance is Key

Know your child.
Tailor your expectations to your family goals and to your child’s talents and propensities.
Consider the Internet and your devices to be tools, not a babysitting service.
Establish rules/guidelines and stick to them. Regulate!
Participate – know what your child is doing and why.
Keep the online activity in an area of your home that is well supervised. Keep the monitor facing out and check on them often.

Should small children own devices?

I know families who have given their four year old their own ipod for watching cartoons. I know others who feel strongly that their child will not own a device and allows only a half hour/day on any type of media. So who is right?

Both of them/neither of them (How’s that for a decisive judgement?).

It’s not our job to judge others. Every child is different. Every parent is different. Our only responsibility is to decide for our own families. We all decide based on our experiences and goals. Those are different in every family.

Pros and Cons of the Tech World

If I have trouble figuring out my iPhone, guess who I ask? Yep, my 9 year old grandson, Isaac.

Don’t judge me! I’m not one of those old grannies that doesn’t know how to send an email or know what a font is.

I’m fairly techy and can pretty much navigate myself around in cyberspace, but I don’t really take the time to learn the minute details of my devices. I have too much else going on to spend time on it.

But my grandson has a naturally inquisitive nature that makes him a prime candidate for the tech world. He’s not afraid to experiment and investigate. I’ve had to hand my iPhone back to him and tell him to undo what he did because he messed it up (In his mind he made it better.).

To become familiar with devices is a very good thing. To know their way around the web and have experience with searching for answers and solutions to everyday problems can only help a child grow and learn. Formal schooling is good but not the answer. Developing an inquisitive mind and a penchant for searching out answers is extremely beneficial.
Like it or not this world is high tech and your children will need to know how to maneuver their way around all those 0’s and 1’s.
Encourage them to learn technology with guidelines, regulations and supervision…lots of supervision. Obsession with technology will become a problem if you are not careful.
Don’t forgo the other means of education – reading (real tangible, hold in your hands books), playing (this a child’s vocation), experimenting (hands on learning) and watching and interacting with those around them (make them put the devices down and connect with real, live people!).

B.A.L.A.N.C.E.

What say you?

Do you think technology is a good thing?

Do you regulate and supervise your child’s online activity?

I am concerned about people today – not just kids. There seems to be less personal interaction. If we are to preserve our sense of community, we need to keep in touch (more than just on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram ).

Shoot me a comment and tell me your opinion.

(I do find it mildly amusing that you are reading this on your laptop, iPad or iPhone.)

Have you read my FREE parenting tips ebook yet? Check it out HERE.

Are your standards dictated by your church?

By Val Frania

In Ministry, Musings, Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

This has been an age old controversy. Or maybe we can call it a debate. All I know is I have put a ton of thought into this and finally feel like I have a handle on it.

I'm 56 years old and finally can say I am enjoying true freedom in Christ. Oh, I always had it, just wasn't free to enjoy it. It took me many years to get to the place where I understand that statement and to be confident in applying it in a practical manner.

Freedom in Christ is the freedom to serve Him – but I want to go a step further and say that freedom in Christ is the freedom to serve Him with a fearless and content happy heart. If we truly exercise our freedom in Christ we will have a happiness like none other. Some would call it "joy" but I call it "free to be me."

When I ask, "Are your standards dictated by your church?" I'm referring to everything from skirt length (or manner of dress in general) to what you eat, where you go, what you say and who you spend time with. Yep, the whole shebang.

My DH and I have served in several churches, both on staff in pastoral/school teacher positions and as lay people working in ministries ranging from custodial to preaching and teaching. We have served under several pastors and have had a variety of experiences doing so. I'm in a "been there done that" position.

Here's an example of how twisted my thinking was after leaving one of our ministries.

Just after leaving one church where we served for 9+ years, I was at the mall with my husband (wearing jeans in public for the first time in years) and he said, "Oh, look there's (insert name of the pastor's wife)." He thought he was funny. She wasn't really there. He just knew my heart would jump 10 feet. I constantly tell people not to laugh at him because he's not funny. This falls on dull ears. People think he's so funny. I didn't think he was funny that day.

I knew I was in bondage when I quickly looked where he pointed in a panic. I knew I had freedom in Christ, but I didn't "feel it." I didn't have the confidence I needed to live in that freedom. I was stuck in a set of rules laid out for me. I had been so stressed out for years trying to be the perfect little pastor's wife that I stopped thinking for myself and just followed the rules – which by the way was made very clear I had to do if I wanted to serve in that ministry.

When we finally arrived to the church we are in now, I was shopping with my daughter, Jillian, when I saw our new pastor's van pulling up, everyone waving a hello to us. Uh huh. I was in jeans. But the pastor and his wife had never seen me outside of church and they were skirt only people. Of course, due to my past experience, I was curious to see what their reaction would be to our non-skirt atire. I was happy to discover that they didn't miss a beat – they rolled up with big smiles on their faces, greeting Jillian and I as if we were long lost relatives. Over the past 4 years I am happy to announce that I have a gracious and accepting pastor's family and am perfectly content to be allowed to enjoy my freedom in Christ without pressure to conform or obey a collection of works based standards.

Guess what? I did everything expected of me and more, but we still lost our ministry in that standards oriented church. Why? Because you can do your best and if your leadership has their own agenda you have no solid footing – you are at the mercy of the "man of God." It's not how well you follow the rules, or how valuable you are to the ministry, it's about how gracious and spiritually mature your leader is and if he allows you to follow God by hearing His voice rather than worshipping the "man of God" in the place of the real God, our God Jehovah, the Creator and LORD of all things.

If He is our Lord then why do we have to obey the "man of God" and put him on a lofty pedestal? You are as much a "Man or Woman of God" as he is if you are walking in the Spirit as a believer. Why do we need to be controlled by a man? If our heart is right would we not be right in man's eyes too? If our vertical relationship with God is right, would not our horizontal relationships, those with the people around us, be right too? Should we not choose those to be on staff based on their spiritual maturity and ability to follow God's call and direction rather than putting them in a box and pulling their strings to show we are in charge?

Are Your Standards Dictated by Your Church? {Mom of Many}

We ought not to choose a ministry to serve in that must control us. We must choose a ministry to serve in that supports us and creates a better environment for us to be able to serve in the way God that calls us. I tell my kids that they should marry a person who compliments them and is fit to be the type of partner that eniches their ability to serve God – not inhibits or traps them into a lifestyle that makes it difficult to serve. Each step in our life either leads us to or away from God and His purpose for our lives.

Don't get me wrong. We truly believe we were called by God to go to each ministry we have served in, but that doesn't mean everything that went on or the pain we endured was right or approved of God. If we had truly exercised our freedom in Christ, things would have been different – either by our leaving sooner once we detected things going awry or exhibiting the confidence to maintain our freedom in Christ by being more assertive. Either way, I do know this – I will never allow myself to be in that situation again. I am free now and once a person is completely free, they will never go back to bondage.

Freedom isn't free. Someone earned that freedom and it is a shame when we don't live in that freedom. Why did Christ die if His people can't enjoy the freedom He suffered and died for? Standards are great, but they are not a true measure of our spiritual maturity. Remember the verses, "Though I speak with the tongues of men and of angels, and have not charity, I am become as sounding brass, or a tinkling cymbal." I Corinthians 13:1? Follow all the man made rules you can, but it will never make up for a lack of charity (love for your fellow man).

Let's focus on the good stuff – loving one another, supporting fellow believers, sharing the love of Christ, faithfully following God in all we say and do. These things should be our main focus – not making sure our neckline is only two fingers below the hollow in our neck. Sure, modesty and such are important but they are not the measuring stick of our validity. I know a believer who will not talk to a lady that is wearing pants. Is this why Christ gave his blood, so we could treat one another with contempt? I say, "Nay!."

How Much is Too Much Loss?

By Val Frania

In Family Events, Ministry, Musings, Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

Our family and friends have experienced so much loss, pain and suffering lately.

Everywhere I look I see loss.

My father-in-law passed away a year ago. My mom 6 months ago.
A friend lost her youngest son in a car accident yesterday.
Another friend is caring for her youngest son who was in a head-on collision two days ago. Thankfully he is still with us – they came so close to losing him. He's in traction with 6 months of recovery ahead.
My Marine son, Andrew, is planning to go fight ISIS this fall independently of the military – because our country isn't doing much to free the world of this threat. I don't want to lose him.
My son-in-law just lost his job – out of the blue, no warning.
Last month my other son had to be cut out of his truck after after being broadsided – but thankfully got out with just a hurt shoulder.
How much loss is TOO MUCH LOSS? Loss is everywhere. How do we survive it? How do we prepare for it?

What can't we do?

We can't stop our loved ones from getting hurt or dying. We can't stop time or stop the pain of loss. We can't forsee disasters or emergencies. We can't control our government, other people, the weather, or our circumstances.

Word has it our country in for a major financial disaster soon. There is unrest everywhere in the world.

BUT, I know from experience that a person can live through hardship or tragedy and come out a better person, stronger and better equipped for life – the life they must learn how to live without whatever/whomever they have lost.

What can we do?

There are things we can do to survive and ANYTHING…and even thrive.

We can prepare ourselves emotionally, physically, spiritually. Do you have all your ducks in a row?

Get your finances in order – pay off debt and get your spending under control. Have an emergency fund. PLAN ahead.
Find out who God is. Really find out. He can supernaturally carry us through the darkest days.
Treasure everyone who means anything to you. Don't stay away for any reason. Life is short and it passes quicker than you realize. One day you will get a call and it will be too late. Work is good but it's not everything. It will still be there after you go fishing with your son or shopping with your sister or hang out at your parents house. Help your mom in her garden, it will lift both of your spirits. (hint, hint my children)
Treat others with respect. Regret is a bugger. You will some day need a support system. Develop and strengthen your relationships.
Eat right, get enough sleep, know your limitations but strive for the best – not OK or good, but the best. Take care of your health, quit your vices, focus on what is important. Care about doing right and follow through.
Don't dwell on the negative, disappointments, problems or sinful thoughts. Debi Pryde once gave me a tip: Don't dwell, if you have a problem think about it for 5 minutes, decide what you will do about it and then move on. Dwelling never helps and can cause other problems. I have found this to be good advice.
Only get biblical counseling – man's opinions differ but the Word of God is solid and trustworthy.
Set goals. Make lists. Accomplish. Get organized.
Find out who you are and be that person. Seriously. Many years I fit the mold that others made. I don't do that any more. Be the best YOU that you can be. Develop good character and a good reputation. Live clean. Don't break your mother's heart by living riotously and hurting your family name. But realize, always, that your mother still loves you, regardless.

If you are prepared, when tragedy strikes you will have the strength to get through anything. Strive for a solid foundation with confidence in yourself and your support system. God should not be an afterthought. Put Him in your life so He will be there when you need Him. Put your support system in place now.

Alone is not fun. Alone is bad. Alone stinks. None of us needs to be alone.

We won't be alone if we prepare.

8×10 printable (just click and save), take to your favorite photo printing

place and then frame it. It will be a good reminder.

"And the peace of God, which passeth all understanding, shall keep your hearts and minds through Christ Jesus." Philippians 4:7

"Blessed be God, even the Father of our Lord Jesus Christ, the Father of mercies, and the God of all comfort; Who comforteth us in all our tribulation, that we may be able to comfort them which are in any trouble, by the comfort wherewith we ourselves are comforted of God." II Corinthians 1:3, 4

Ladies, YOU need to hear this… Listen up!

By Val Frania

In Ministry, Musings, Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

Hey ladies, my valuable, worthy ladies who love God and put yourself out there every day for others. Yes, I mean you.

I have something to tell you, something you NEED to hear. I’ve gotten so many letters, texts, Facebook messages, phone calls, and frustrated, “I need to talk to you,” face to face encounters that I have to address this. Urgh.

There is something you may not know and I’m going to tell you right now.

So listen up.

You are valuable.

You are loved.

You are who you are because God made you that way. That makes you special… special to God… special to me.

Yes, I mean you.

I see you day to day putting yourself aside and working for others, dropping by a vase of flowers for a sick older lady, changing diapers in the church nursery, going out to work to help support the family, caring your grandchildren, sacrificing for your children, washing dishes after a fellowship in your church, raising an adopted child by yourself, taking your kids to sports practice, blogging tutorials for strangers on how to save a dime, tutoring the student who just doesn’t get it, caring for a sick husband, encouraging others to keep going…

You do so much for others that I couldn’t possibly list it all. And yet, you are discouraged, feeling unloved and disrespected.

To quote a phrase in the Bible, because it is so simple yet profound, “These things ought not so to be.”

It makes me angry (yes, I can be angry and sin not) to see the women around me live discouraged, defeated lives because of how they are regarded by those around them.

It ends now.

Every woman who belongs to Christ (if you’re not sure, go here) must claim their position in Him, realize their value, and act like it!

No more questioning. No more letting people walk all over you. No more wondering if you can be used.

NO MORE!

You are not alone.

When you met Christ, you not only were forgiven, but you became brand new. You became His child, valuable and complete.

Did you hear that? You are complete in Him. He VALUED you enough to hang on that cross – FOR YOU.

So how is it that we wonder if we are enough? How is it that we question our value?

Um, no.

Right now you are going to realize you are valuable, complete in Him and to be regarded as such. No more are you going to accept the notion that you are not as good or capable or usable as that woman you think is better than you (or that woman that thinks she is better than you and lets you know it).

If someone tries to make you feel small, you just stand tall and tell yourself, “I am a daughter of the Most High God, I am valued, I am complete in Him.” Notice I said, “tries.” No one can put you in your place but God, and if you belong to Him, you are already placed in His hand and He is in your heart.

Repeat after me, “I got this.”

I don’t mean, “I got this,” as in “I’m perfect,” I mean, “I got this, I’m complete, I’m valued by God, I don’t need your approval, I don’t need you to put me in my place. I’m good where I’m at, in my God’s hand, loved and valued.”

Stop comparing yourself to other women. Stop trying to compete. Just be whom God made you. Accept who you are. Realize your value. Stand up and say, “I got this.”

Being submissive doesn’t mean we are a little mouse that walks around afraid to speak. If you’re not sure this is true, go read in the Scriptures about how all the women that served God were strong, confident women with purpose.

Being a good woman doesn’t mean you stand by while others smack you around with their words or actions. Others will not respect you if you don’t respect yourself. Stand up and say, “I got this.”

One friend recently said, “I’ve decided I will just stay in my room when they are home.”

Um. No.

You are not going to hide. You are not going to step aside and let them devalue you, take advantage of your insecurities or let them make you feel unloved. You are the daughter of a king. You step up and say,

“I got this.”

You are going to claim your position in Christ, say to yourself, “I belong to the King,” and take your place as a valued child. You are going to set your boundaries and claim your spot. It is your home. They are visitors. They will respect and cherish you or they will go.

I have a family of 5 living in our home and my 87 year old mother. None of them treat me like I am worthless. None of them push me around. None of them disrespect me. In fact, it is just the opposite. I have loved every moment my daughter’s family has been in our home for the past 5 months. I have gained much by having my mother in our home. We help each other, we laugh, we enjoy, we respect each other. When they move out in the next few days I will feel a loss. When my mother goes home to glory, I will feel a void.

If this is not the case with those around you, then you need to reevaluate your relationships, disconnect from those who do not value you and find some who do. Pray for a girlfriend who will uplift you and support you. Find someone who can encourage you and walk with you. Set your boundaries with everyone in your life and make it clear you know whom you, to whom you belong are and who you are not. And then tell yourself, “I got this.”

You are a daughter of the King.

You are valuable.

You are loved.

You are who you are because God made you that way.

That makes you special… special to God… special to me.

And yes, I mean you.

Blessings to you,