Category: Adoption

Just a Cup of Water

At my Thursday night Bible study one of the ladies asked prayer for her son-in-law that had some personal problems. She said she was tired of putting on the pretense of having a “perfect” family and was coming clean. She was tired of hiding for the past 25 years all the problems and difficulties just to put on a happy face so she wouldn’t be judged as a bad parent.

Ditto that.

We’ve had our problems. We have adopted some kids with emotional, physical and mental problems. I’m sorry if some people can’t handle that. I’m even sorry if they don’t like our family. But you know what? I do. I like my family. I like how diverse it is. I especially like having the different races. I actually feel sorry for the families that have all white kids in it. I think that’s boring. I feel sorry for families that have easy, compliant kids (I’m jealous at the same time!). They will never know the thrill of seeing their kids find God through the pain and heartache of reconciling their past.

We’ve had kids punish us for the pain that their birth parents inflicted on them. But I’ve also had the same kids call me up years later and tell me through tears that they are sorry, and thank me for adopting them because they were glad they didn’t have to grow up in their birth families’ homes. I’ve had kids complain to others about how mean we were as parents and swear they’ll never have anything to do with us when they move out. I’ve had the same kids come back and tell us we did the exact right thing in how we disciplined them and kept them safe during their growing up years. I’ve had kids tell me they hate me and then just a year later put their arm around me and tell me I’m the best. I’ve had children threaten me with knives and then just a couple of years later tell me they miss me and want nothing else but to come home. I’ve had children tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about only to call me up years later and tell me that they’ve been hearing my words come out of their mouths! I’ve had children go around telling my friends, coworkers and even my boss that we were abusive and then just a couple of years later turn around and confess they had lied out of bitterness that had welled up in their soul years before we adopted them. God is so good, and each time one of our kids makes a turn around and gets their life right, I thank Him for it.

Most families don’t experience these things – because they chose the safe route. We didn’t. We chose to care for other people’s children when they chose to not do it themselves. We took broken, damaged kids and tried to turn them into loving, responsible, Christian young people. OK, so shoot me for trying. Yes, those who have judged us as failures haven’t seen what we’ve seen. They haven’t experienced what we’ve experienced. They’ve not walked in our shoes. They’ve not seen the victories amidst the failures. They’ve determined in their mind that if our kids don’t learn to follow God perfectly before they are 18 then they must not have been taught properly or we had to have mistreated them in some way. Well, some day the truth will be revealed and all those who judged us so harshly will see their mistake. But then, you know what? It will be too late. Their chance to love and support our family will have passed and both of us unfortunately have missed a blessing. They have missed the blessing God would have given them for being kind to a struggling family. We missed the blessing of having someone love and care for us in the midst of a difficult journey. But God knows, and has fortunately made up for it by loving us through it all and shown us spiritual truths that not many have had the privilege to see.

We have a great family. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I am confident we’ll all be together some day and relish in God’s goodness.

April, you are one of my best friends and thank you for showing us how blessed a parent can be. I miss you more than I can put into words. Thank you for giving me two angels that make life worth living. Your solid faith has encouraged me.

Lauren, I miss you so and am very glad we have a good relationship. You have so much talent and strength – I know you are going to do great things for God. I just love talking with you. You are like a buried treasure.

Katie, when I think of someone loving God, I think of you. I am so very proud to tell others about you. You are like a gem of the highest price to me. Raising you was a true blessing. You’ve got it all and someday someone will wake up and realize it!

Jesse, we hope that your searching will one day bring you to your perfect place in life. You have grand ideas and goals that if realized will make a difference in the world. God and your family are waiting.

Devin, you are an example of true regeneration. You remind me of why we adopted. When I think of you, I think “success.” Thank you for discovering that you love your parents. You’ve made it all worth it. You are the “miracle of adoption” proven.

Nathaniel, you are destined for great things. We have enjoyed watching you pursue your position in the Marines and hope God can use you to reach others. Your family misses you.

Andrew, thank you for caring about your family. I have always known you loved us even when you were fighting for your independence. I have always adored you. You have a special gift of drawing others to yourself and making the most sober person laugh.

Marissa, you will always have a piece of my heart. You were the one we all thought would go on to do great things for God. You have given me a precious granddaughter that is like a piece of heaven to me.

Daniel, you have come so far. You had no language for years, but now you talk circles around everyone. Your potential is astounding and have proven that hard work can transform a person.

Mollie, you are beautiful and talented. We miss you and hope some day we will be close friends. Every day I hope you will call and tell me that you love and miss your family and want to come home.

Jillian, you are my body balm. God chose you to be my happiness. You are one of my favorite people in the whole world. I miss you more than I can say. I am proud of who you have become.

Jonathan, I love your love for children and find it a precious gift not everyone has. God gave you a special heart that He can use to do great things. You are going to make a difference in the world.

Jacob, your calm peaceful sense of living is an encouragement to me. When I saw you give your heart to God and live for him it renewed my faith in God’s success in changing hearts. Your spiritual growth has increased my faith.

Levi, your talent and enthusiasm for life has brought us such fun. Seeing you love your sisters has brought new life into our family and given me hope. I am so excited to share a love for art with you and can’t wait to see what you do with it.

Caleb, I am so looking forward to having you back home and part of our day-to-day family living. Remembering your sense of humor and laugh are enough to make me smile. We have such hopes for you.

To all my children who are living for and loving God, thank you – you make life worth living. To those of you who are seeking Him, I pray you find Him – He’s right beside you, just turn and look. To all my children who are running from God, slow down and let Him embrace you – there’s peace and joy in His presence.

I will never forget those of you who have truly loved us…you have made some very weary travellers in this life feel the love of God and have the strength to bear up under the trials of this life. God will bless you for your love and support.

To all of you who judge us as being unworthy to be in God’s ministry, it’s your loss. To all of you who do not love my children, I pity you, for children are considered the most important in Heaven. To those of you who think we should not have adopted “interesting children,” well, all I can say is, “For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward.” Mark 9:41 The rewards are great – SO WHAT if I have to wait until I get to Heaven to enjoy them! Where are YOUR treasures laid up? John Greenleaf Whittier sums it up for me: “For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, ‘It might have been’.”

Letter to an Adopted Child

By Val Frania

In Adoption, Musings

I found you when you had no family and gave you my name. I gave my family to you to be your family.

I gave you a safe and warm home, fed, clothed and educated you. You had the comfort of knowing you would be cared for and never had to know the displeasure of going without the things you needed to thrive. Through our training you gained the ability to be successful at whatever you choose.

I introduced you to the Savior. Now you can escape eternal punishment and enjoy the blessings of heaven. You can have a friend that sticks closer than a brother.

I taught you right from wrong, to care for yourself, and how to seek God. Today you know how to live, make good choices and please God.

I taught you the value of family and how to care for others. Though you choose to live for yourself, you have the keys to true happiness if you wish to use them.

I always put your needs ahead of mine and took the hard road by being consistent and faithful to you even when you only saw yourself. I disciplined and instructed even when it would have been easier to let you go your own way.

When forgiveness was needed, it was always given along with counsel, direction, instruction, or help when you needed it.

The one thing I cannot give you is love for your family. I will be content to wait until God teaches you to love. Some day you will look at us as more than a meal or a free place to stay. Hopefully by the time you realize it … it won’t be too late.

~ Mom of Many

Why did we adopt?

By Val Frania

In Adoption

“Blessed is the man that walketh not in the counsel of the ungodly, nor standeth in the way of sinners, nor sitteth in the seat of the scornful. But his delight is in the law of the LORD; and in his law doth he meditate day and night. And he shall be like a tree planted by the rivers of water, that bringeth forth his fruit in his season; his leaf also shall not wither; and whatsoever he doeth shall prosper.” Psalm 1:1-3

I have made it my goal while living here on earth to lay up treasures in heaven. This short span of time that I call my life on earth is not all I consider. Yes, I want to live a good, productive life while here, but my main concern is Eternity. Eternity will last a whole lot longer than my mere 70 years here. That is what I live for.

I realized a long time ago that the only “things” that I can take to heaven with me are people. I can take 15 of my children with me – both those whom I actually gave birth to (2), and those who I’ve adopted into my family (13). I can think of no other better goal in life than to take my children home with me to heaven.

That said, now you know my reasoning behind the ultimate discipleship – adoption. I am doing what Christ did, inviting lost souls into my family to partake of Christ’s goodness. He adopted people into His family and called them His own. How can I do less? He put no conditions on His adoption other than that which is required in salvation (believing on His finished work at Calvary, acknowledging we are sinners, asking forgiveness, placing Him on the throne of our lives). I wish to parallel His example of adoption in my family – to give others what He has given me so they may know Him. Though I didn’t require salvation to enter our family, I did present it to each one of my children, hoping they would receive it. We look at adoption as an extreme form of discipleship. We not only offered salvation and training toward godliness, but we committed to being a discipler for each of our “disciples” for the rest of our lives.

Christ took in people who needed Him, dusted them off, set them on their feet and gave them His name. I am one of those He’s adopted. Yes, I’ve failed Him. No, I’ve not always done what He’s expected of me. Yes, I’ve disappointed Him. But I’m still His and He doesn’t regret taking me in and calling me His own. He keeps forgiving me. I didn’t have to change my behavior to be considered His, but I did because I love Him. I didn’t have to be perfect or follow His ways to be in His family, but I did because He bought me and I belong to Him. I’ll always belong to Him no matter what I do or don’t do.

Though some may not understand why or how, we have committed to follow Christ regardless of the cost. The cost in some instances has been high, but nevertheless we are sticking by what He has told us to do. Along with the “costs” have been immeasurable blessings that I believe only someone who has had a family like ours can receive. Is it worth it? Well, you answer that yourself. To most, it wouldn’t be worth it, obviously, since not many do it. Even if we never saw “results” from sacrificing ourselves for the children of others, we’d know the peace of mind that comes from knowing we tried to do what Christ did.

Mt 10:42 “And whosoever shall give to drink unto one of these little ones a cup of cold water only in the name of a disciple, verily I say unto you, he shall in no wise lose his reward.”

Mt 18:10 “Take heed that ye despise not one of these little ones; for I say unto you, That in heaven their angels do always behold the face of my Father which is in heaven.”

Mt 18:14 “Even so it is not the will of your Father which is in heaven, that one of these little ones should perish.”