Our newest challenge in homeschooling is cooking class. Yesterday we put pork loin in the crockpot with fresh onions, mushroom soup, fresh sliced mushrooms and gourmet green beans. (We got the meat at Felpausch Sunday for 99 cents/lb.) Levi made onion soup (from scratch!) and Jacob made garlic mashed potatoes by adding additional ingredients to leftover mashed potatoes in the fridge. Right now they’re eating last night’s leftovers for lunch and discussing how Jacob made the garlic mashed potatoes. How funny that sounds, to hear two 17 year old boys (today is Levi’s b’day) discussing the culinary arts. The dinner was fabulous – as good as in any fancy restaurant. Here is a picture of how Jacob put the plates together. We had to have a fancy looking plate for such wonderful tasting food! I never thought I would say cooking is fun, but it is!
Author: Val Frania Page 24 of 30
Wow. Pastor Ron did it again. His messages are to me very obviously spoken directly from God’s mouth to my ear. I feel like God is remaking me into someone from whom He’ll one day ask something big. It is as if I’m in the refining fire – and boy is it hot! He’s calling up one by one those truths in my life that I have already tucked away and is making them real – so real that I’m feeling pulled inside out! All I can say is I hope I live through it. This valley is riddled with rocks. Behind every tree is a dangerous beast that threatens my family. Under every rock is a snake ready to strike. I feel like a weary traveler in a Pilgrim’s Progress type of story. If I hadn’t already read the last page, I’d feel as though my very soul was in peril. Yet, His assurance is as real as the pain that threatens to take me over.
Above me I see clouds ready to burst like the call of impending doom. I see moving shadows all around that are the embodiment of an eerie, supernatural threat. As in the book of Esther, God is here, but I can’t see Him. He has stepped aside to give way to His faithful servants. He has set the burden of His will on the shoulders of fallible, yet Spirit-filled believers. It’s no trial to trust the One true God, but it is tenuous to say the least to trust fallible man, actual human flesh to do His perfect will even if God Himself directed it this time to be so. It is a new road that He takes me on. Hopefully my faith is up for the journey.
Here are the verses – the living Word that the world so easily casts aside.
Jeremiah 42:1-12 “Then all the captains of the forces, and Johanan the son of Kareah, and Jezaniah the son of Hoshaiah, and all the people from the least even unto the greatest, came near, And said unto Jeremiah the prophet, ‘Let, we beseech thee, our supplication be accepted before thee, and pray for us unto the LORD thy God, even for all this remnant; (for we are left but a few of many, as thine eyes do behold us:) That the LORD thy God may shew us the way wherein we may walk, and the thing that we may do.’
Then Jeremiah the prophet said unto them, ‘I have heard you; behold, I will pray unto the LORD your God according to your words; and it shall come to pass, that whatsoever thing the LORD shall answer you, I will declare it unto you; I will keep nothing back from you.’
Then they said to Jeremiah, ‘The LORD be a true and faithful witness between us, if we do not even according to all things for the which the LORD thy God shall send thee to us. Whether it be good, or whether it be evil, we will obey the voice of the LORD our God, to whom we send thee; that it may be well with us, when we obey the voice of the LORD our God.’
And it came to pass after ten days, that the word of the LORD came unto Jeremiah. Then called he Johanan the son of Kareah, and all the captains of the forces which were with him, and all the people from the least even to the greatest, And said unto them, ‘Thus saith the LORD, the God of Israel, unto whom ye sent me to present your supplication before him; If ye will still abide in this land, then will I build you, and not pull you down, and I will plant you, and not pluck you up: for I repent me of the evil that I have done unto you. Be not afraid of the king of Babylon, of whom ye are afraid; be not afraid of him, saith the LORD: for I am with you to save you, and to deliver you from his hand. And I will shew mercies unto you, that he may have mercy upon you, and cause you to return to your own land.'”
Though the people who brought this petition did right in the beginning by asking the Lord to judge and guide, they ended up going into Egypt rather than staying put like God told them to. It proved to be a big mistake on their part to seek the help of the world when God was so very present and able. I borrow from another story to end – the story of David and God’s judgment for his sin. God gave his three choices as chastisement for his sin and this is what David decided:
1Chron. 21:8-13 “And David said unto God, ‘I have sinned greatly, because I have done this thing: but now, I beseech thee, do away the iniquity of thy servant; for I have done very foolishly.’ And the LORD spake unto Gad, David’s seer, saying, ‘Go and tell David, saying, Thus saith the LORD, I offer thee three things: choose thee one of them, that I may do it unto thee.’
So Gad came to David, and said unto him, Thus saith the LORD, ‘Choose thee either three years’ famine; or three months to be destroyed before thy foes, while that the sword of thine enemies overtaketh thee; or else three days the sword of the LORD, even the pestilence, in the land, and the angel of the LORD destroying throughout all the coasts of Israel. Now therefore advise thyself what word I shall bring again to him that sent me.’
And David said unto Gad, ‘I am in a great strait: let me fall now into the hand of the LORD; for very great are his mercies: but let me not fall into the hand of man.'”
We should never go to the world for solutions to our problems. It will hurt the cause of Christ. Nor should we rely on human reasoning to deal with our problems or sin in our life or others. We need to always go to God. He is able. The world is not. Satan is the prince and power of this world, and those in the world is not worthy to entrust the advancement of the cause of Christ. Our goal ought to always be to glorify God and bring others to Him. If what we are doing does not fulfill those two objectives, then we are not following the example of Scripture and we will be a liability to His kingdom.
Heb 10:30,31 “For we know him that hath said, ‘Vengeance belongeth unto me, I will recompense, saith the Lord. And again, The Lord shall judge his people. It is a fearful thing to fall into the hands of the living God.'” Even so, I choose God’s hands over the world’s. For like David said, “Great are His mercies.”
A few truths from Sunday…
The Jewish people were supposed to walk in faith as a testimony to God’s grace and greatness, but instead they were prideful and lifted themselves up as “The Chosen of God.” We often do that. We think we’re so great because we’re “Servants of God,” and forget why we serve Him. It’s not about us! Prideful arrogance is killing the Christian community. Perhaps that’s why we are becoming so ineffective in this world.
Matt. 23:25-28 “Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye make clean the outside of the cup and of the platter, but within they are full of extortion and excess. Thou blind Pharisee, cleanse first that which is within the cup and platter, that the outside of them may be clean also. Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness. Even so ye also outwardly appear righteous unto men, but within ye are full of hypocrisy and iniquity.”
God tells us He’d rather have those who repent after they have erred than those who lift themselves up as righteous before others. Here is a story of two sons:
Matt. 21:28-32 “But what think ye? A certain man had two sons; and he came to the first, and said, Son, go work to day in my vineyard. He answered and said, I will not: but afterward he repented, and went. And he came to the second, and said likewise. And he answered and said, I go, sir: and went not. Whether of them twain did the will of his father? They say unto him, The first. Jesus saith unto them, Verily I say unto you, That the publicans and the harlots go into the kingdom of God before you. For John came unto you in the way of righteousness, and ye believed him not: but the publicans and the harlots believed him: and ye, when ye had seen it, repented not afterward, that ye might believe him.”
Both sons sinned. One repented and then obeyed. The other looked good on the outside, but his heart was not right. Which son would you rather have? There was no third son listed – you know the one that said, “Sure Dad,” and then went to work. Why do you think he wasn’t listed here? Maybe he’s the exception. Maybe most of us fall into one of the two. Which one are you?
Many have asked me, and I have asked myself, “Why do you adopt kids that are a risk?” Well, I guess if I just had children by birth, I would have an easy life, yes, but if I take in kids who have no one and laiden with problems, perhaps a good work could be done through us by God. Of course there are the exceptions. I have one adopted daughter that was a blessing from the first minute we laid eyes on her. From her very first moment of understanding she wanted to know and serve the Savior. We look at her as a gift from God – kind of a pre-reward for what He was going to ask us to do in the future and to sustain us through the tough times.
But really, this isn’t about what we’ve done with our kids and the choices we’ve made. It’s about our heart and how we treat others. It’s about how we evaluate ourselves. Do we think we are righteous? Well, the only reason we are is because of Christ – certainly not anything we do or say would cause God to view us as righteous. Yet we still think of ourselves as accomplished in the Christian life – better than “the sinners.” I think my most difficult kids would do better if they could see real servanthood and the real love of God when they look around. That’s not to say we don’t have genuine Christians around us. Oh my, I could list many for you right now. I know who they are, and you do too. I’ve found them through my own adversity. They’ve revealed themselves through the hard times, not the good. During good times everyone appears righteous.
God didn’t tell us when we joined His family that we could only join if we would always be a blessing to Him. On the contary, He said, Matt. 11:28 “Come unto me, all ye that labour and are heavy laden, and I will give you rest.” It doesn’t sound to me like He’s getting a pretty package all dressed up with a bow. Besides, who says we’re such a great catch anyway? To judge others unworthy of our help and love shows we think we are righteous like the Jews of old. Just because we all dressed up on the outside doesn’t mean we don’t have hidden sins in our heart that others can’t readily see – or maybe they can see, but they are “acceptable sins.” Perhaps we’re just better at hiding our sinful nature. The Bible says “All have sinned.” “All” means “all.”
God goes on to tell us that we ought to avoid the Christian who exalt themselves above others as “The Servants of God,” who ought to be honored because they’re so great. He says they may ruin us if we spend time with them. Wow. That’s really bold.
Gal. 5:15 “But if ye bite and devour one another, take heed that ye be not consumed one of another.”
2 Cor. 11:3-15 “For such are false apostles, deceitful workers, transforming themselves into the apostles of Christ. And no marvel; for Satan himself is transformed into an angel of light. Therefore it is no great thing if his ministers also be transformed as the ministers of righteousness; whose end shall be according to their works.”
The more I learn about God, the more I learn about myself, and the more the gap widens between Him and I in my own eyes. How very fortuante I am that He destroys that gap between us through salvation and that He still values me anyway. Wow. My view of others changes daily as God reveals truths and brings tough circumstances into my life. The more I interact with others who struggle in life, the less I think of myself.
But for the grace of God, there go I.
To be honest with you, I really didn’t feel like going to church yesterday. We’ve had a lot of heartache in our lives lately and the ol’ “lock the doors and draw the blinds” feeling had crept back. There are days that I just don’t want to be with people because the heartache is so great. But believing God’s Word, I went to church just because I knew He expected me to. My, was that a great decision! Looking back, I don’t think there was ever a time I didn’t go to church just because I didn’t feel like it. I’ve learned that those days are the days you really need to be there because God has something good waiting for us. So off I went yesterday, with a heart filled with lead.
Our pastor started out Sunday School with a riviting discussion about how this world is uncertain and was on a roll the rest of the day. When I left my heart was full, but not of lead. It was full of the confidence that God will do His perfect work and that He’s pleased with my faithfulness. It was full with the amazement that there are people who love us no matter what, that they have an obligation to love us because that’s what real Christians do. Wow. When I got to church and looked around, all I saw were loving Christians. And I knew that if I told them everything on my heart, they’d hug me and tell me they loved me and would pray for me. That’s what church should be like. It should be a place where even the greatest sinner can find refuge. I’m going to share some pearls of great price with you that Pastor Ron gave us.
He began by telling us to not tust in uncertain things like riches, position, etc. Then he went on to say that we ought not to avenge ourselves, but we need to trust the One who knows everything and is longsuffering. Often our first reaction to being wronged is to strike out, but God’s first reaction is to use the situation to draw that person to Christ. He tells us to be patient and let Him handle it. Personally, I have a hard time doing that. I’m a “fixer.” Most of my days are spent trying to make paths straighter, fix errors and draw new lines, encourage a better way, catch wrong and make it right, etc. It can be very tiring and discouraging to act the keeper of others and on a day that I was very weary of doing so, Pastor Ron showed us Scripture that told us to keep being faithful and patient, to keep going and not quit – to endure.
James 1:4 “But let patience have her perfect work, that ye may be perfect and entire, wanting nothing.”
Frankly, that’s not what I wanted to hear. I wanted to hear that He would take the pain away, to make everything right again and bring peace into my life – NOW. But that’s not what I’ve been told these past few days. I’ve been told that hard things are good and that I need to remain faithful, forgiving and not quit. I’ve been told to sit back and let Him work and to endure through it all.
James 5:7-11 “Be patient therefore, brethren, unto the coming of the Lord. Behold, the husbandman waiteth for the precious fruit of the earth, and hath long patience for it, until he receive the early and latter rain. Be ye also patient; stablish your hearts: for the coming of the Lord draweth nigh. Grudge not one against another, brethren, lest ye be condemned: behold, the judge standeth before the door. Take, my brethren, the prophets, who have spoken in the name of the Lord, for an example of suffering affliction, and of patience. Behold, we count them happy which endure. Ye have heard of the patience of Job, and have seen the end of the Lord; that the Lord is very pitiful, and of tender mercy.”
One of my sons told me lately that he felt some people hated him. Real or perceived, it is still real to him. I assured him that wasn’t true, to no avail. Satan had recognized these feelings and really did a work on him. Bitterness can destroy, and that’s what it nearly did to him. I guess it’s a challenge to me to make sure no one around me feels the same way about me. My son’s future service to God is the fruit that I’m supposed to wait for. I’m to be faithfully guiding, forgiving, encouraging, teaching, disciplining, etc. and then let God work. I can’t always see fruit. I don’t see my efforts being used or appreciated. So, in my humaness I want to quit or despair. God tells me to keep on and endure – that He will work and I must trust Him.
Those who faithfully endure, forgive, speak the Word and suffer affliction with patience will need to endure to be happy (James 5:11). He reminded me that God is merciful, so we need to be merciful. We can’t see the big picture, but God can. We only see a small snapshot and judge from there. God see’s and knows the outcome and what to allow or do to bring about our good and His glory. We ought to trust Him just on that fact – He sees down the road where we cannot. We just want the pain to go away. We just want it to all work out. We don’t want to suffer. We don’t want to wait – but we must if we want His perfect work.
God also knows when His cup is full and it’s time to show his wrath. But it’s not for us to decide or do. He is waiting for fruit to grow – even through bad times, so He can reap the harvest. And remember, He lets the tares grow up alongside (evil men) and will one day burn them after He takes his fruit out (believers) and has His own secure and safe. I don’t like the tares. I spend my days rooting them out, watching for more to grow so I can get at them before they overtake us. I wonder sometimes why God doesn’t help me root them out completely, but He says He doesn’t want to do that because they have their purpose in our lives. I don’t get it or want it, but I trust He knows best. A lady once told me that the hardest people to be around are the ones God uses to root out the tares in our own hearts – for if we were only with people who kind and loving, we’d never uncover the sin that lurks within. I think she is right. It’s easy to be kind and loving back to those who are a blessing, but those who try our patience and hurt our spirits are the very ones who uncover our unloving, selfish side. If we never see it, how can we get rid of it?
After just one day with an irregular person we’re ready to smash them! But look how long God took to destroy the earth in Noah’s time – 12o years it took Noah to build the ark and all during that time, he preached repentance to the people. God gave the people of the world 120 years to get their life right and in the end only 8 people were saved. Now that’s longsuffering. How an I do any less? What do you think were the percentages in that story? Yet God thought those 8 people were important enough to save. I suppose that ought to tell us how important we are to Him. We are often criticized for being too longsuffering with our children – yet others criticize us for not being longsuffering enough. We learned a long time ago that we just need to follow God’s direction and not man’s, because we get conflicting judgements from those around us. There is a reason God gave us these kids – and for better or worse, we’re going to work for their good, point them the right way, and when God says, “Hands off,” we will let them go. Then it will be time for Him to take over completely and we are to back away. It’s hard, but we know it to be best.
Sunday God told us to be patient for His work to unfold in the lives of our kids, to endure and be a good example of patience in affliction. OK. One more day I will do what I’ve done for the past 25 years. One more day I will give Him the reins and watch Him work. One more day I will trust His timing. One more day I will accept the twisted heart and heavy weight that threatens to crush me. It is my choice and I choose Him.
There have been many Christmas gifts that have been wonderful through the years, but this year there is one that particularly stands out in my mind. It is one that rests on my mind daily and could not be shaken off if I tried – not that I would want to, for it is a gift that I have desired for years.
Recently I received bad news that threatened to take my peace. I think disappointments are the hardest for me to live with – for the death of a dream has always been hard for me. I must also admit that the greatest things in my life have come directly after the death of a dream. I find myself tooling along in a happy state, encouraged and hopeful and then bang! The dream is ripped in two and I’m left in the middle of a sad, empty, cold room all alone with no light. (When I say “I”, I’m including my husband. We take life’s ups and downs together as one person. Along with us has always been my mom – even when she didn’t have an answer, she was always present.)
But this time was different. I can barely believe it myself. This time, little by little there began to be light. Then a little heat. Next I saw various people I knew sitting near me encouraging me to look up – to see the Savior’s shining face giving hope. I wish I could say I expected it to happen. But I never thought it would. In the past the cold empty room was a sure thing, something that I was used to, something that was familiar. Just me, the Word and nothing else.
But this time was different. It was so different that I feel like I’m living in a different world. Why was it different? People. People made it different and I don’t know why this time it all changed, but it did. I know God did it, but I don’t know why He did it this time. Before it was just Him and me. This time it was Him and me, four daughters, one son, two sons-in-law, one nephew and a niece, a brother, pastor, 5 friends and 4 strangers. Wow. This time it was different. It’s like God grabbed people and said to them, “Hey, go walk beside them, they need you right now.” Wow. God did that for me. If you are one of the four daughters, one son, two son-in-laws, one nephew and a niece, a brother, pastor, 5 friends and 4 strangers . . . thank you. I like this new world that God has given me now that you are in it.
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I ran a post a while ago about forgiveness from the perspective of the one who was offended. I’m taking the other slant and looking at forgiveness from the perspective of the offender. The truths are the same, regardless which side your are on. Forgiveness is four fold. 1. We are required to be willing to forgive as Christ forgave. He forgives all those who ask. Without all three, forgiveness isn’t complete. I can do my part and still maintain the blessing of God on my life (peace, contentment, closure, etc). That is all that is required of us. If the offender doesn’t do his two parts, he will not experience God’s blessing or victory in that area (of offense). If the offended party doesn’t do his part, the same results will fall on him. That’s partly why we see Christians today not experiencing blessing or growth in their lives – they stay nominal or shallow in their Christian walk. |
Christ said to forgive as He forgives. He forgives all who asks. So, I’m using His example of forgiveness to show the steps of reconciliation. If we offend someone, repent of the deed acknowledging it as sin, ask forgiveness, and pay restitution, we are the one walking right with God. If we are not forgiven by the person we offended, it will not hurt our walk with God. Of course we might suffer more dire circumstances because of an unforgiving heart, but God will walk through them with us and use them to purge us. Mercy toward a sinner can only be shown by one who sees the advantage of forgiveness. While it is true that consequences can be our best teacher, mercy can be an even better catalyst toward change in the life of a sinner. Iniquity doesn’t have to be our ruin.
(Eze 18:30 “Therefore I will judge you, O house of Israel, every one according to his ways, saith the Lord GOD. Repent, and turn yourselves from all your transgressions; so iniquity shall not be your ruin.”)
Our pastor preached Sunday on forgiveness and I thought it was a remarkable sermon. It wasn’t the normal, hum drum sermon that we’ve heard 70 times – but then none of his ever are. It was like he’d delved into it himself for personal reasons and came out of the refining fire different and wanted to share it with us. His heart is truly one of forgiveness and acceptance, full of compassion. Just watching him with our children has given me the fuel to continue on this difficult journey. Really, that’s what it’s all about. Traveling through this world is just temporary and if we can help someone along the way, then the world has been a better place because we were here. The world definitely is a better place because he lives here. Thank God for Pastor Ron.
Col 3:13 “Forbearing one another, and forgiving one another, if any man have a quarrel against any: even as Christ forgave you, so also do ye.”
Ps 86:5 “For thou, Lord, art good, and ready to forgive; and plenteous in mercy unto all them that call upon thee.”
Lu 17:3 “Take heed to yourselves: If thy brother trespass against thee, rebuke him; and if he repent, forgive him.”
1 John 1:9 “If we confess our sins, he is faithful and just to forgive us our sins, and to cleanse us from all unrighteousness.”
I try to often contemplate that God has forgiven me for a lifetime of sinful behavior, so I ought to remember that as I seek to forgive others. Forgiveness isn’t easy, but it is necessary.
It is those who fall and get back up using God’s hand for a support who become a better person through it all.
(Prov. 24:16 “For a just man falleth seven times, and riseth up again: but the wicked shall fall into mischief.”)
I got another surprise from God’s Word this week. It was a particularly hard week for family news and I was just a little taken back. Pain isn’t my thing, so when it comes, I resist it like the plague. When I turned on my MP3 player and listened to my daily Bible reading, imagine what I thought when I heard the verses below. It certainly wasn’t what I expected to hear from God the morning after a real heartbreak. He amazes me constantly on how very righteous and wise He is. He shouldn’t amaze me – I already know He’s an awesome God. But with my finite mind, I guess it’ll happen as long as I investigate who He is and what He can do – for me and others in my life. I’m really glad He is mine and I am His.
Eccesiastes 7:1-9 “A good name is better than precious ointment; and the day of death than the day of one’s birth. It is better to go to the house of mourning, than to go to the house of feasting: for that is the end of all men; and the living will lay it to his heart. Sorrow is better than laughter: for by the sadness of the countenance the heart is made better. The heart of the wise is in the house of mourning; but the heart of fools is in the house of mirth. It is better to hear the rebuke of the wise, than for a man to hear the song of fools. For as the crackling of thorns under a pot, so is the laughter of the fool: this also is vanity. Surely oppression maketh a wise man mad; and a gift destroyeth the heart. Better is the end of a thing than the beginning thereof: and the patient in spirit is better than the proud in spirit. Be not hasty in thy spirit to be angry: for anger resteth in the bosom of fools.”
Ouch! My advice to all? Forget human reasoning – it’s faulty and foolish.
OK, normally I don’t respond to ignorant statements or rude accusations. It’s just not good practice. But occasionally a public insult requires a public rebuke and I feel that is warranted on occasion. There are others who are struggling with similar circumstances that may gain some insight or comfort in what I’m about to address. I made a decision a while back to share my experiences with you all – both good and bad – in an attempt to bring God glory by using His Word to counter the evil in this world – both from the outside and from within my own heart. Yes, it is an assault on my pride to expose my pain to others. But if it will help someone along the way, I am obligated to share it. It is God who must be lifted up – not me. I have always believed the statement: John 3:30 “He must increase, but I must decrease,” but I have not always lived it. Today I am going to live it – much to my own demise.
I have no doubt that when I get to the point of this posting, I will experience much public dishonor from the child that has chosen to dishonor her mother by pouting online when she should be repenting in private. But I also believe that much good can be accomplished by avoiding the “mamby pamby religion” of the world by addressing a sin pubically that has been committed publically. (“Them that sin rebuke before all, that others also may fear.” I Timothy 5:20) Although this doesn’t say the sin must be a public one before we rebuke publically, I try to stick with the advice I was once given, “Praise publically, rebuke in private.” The Internet has complicated relationships by exposing the world to private concerns by those who do not have the wisdom to keep “private” things “private” (that’s why they’re called “private”).
I have some children whom I have adopted that are not living for God. We as parents set the right example, told them of our wonderful God and His provision, love and care, advised them against evil and helped them in every way we knew possible to live clean, God pleasing lives. We were successful with some and with others, not so successsful. Though I know we are only called to be faithful and rely on God for the results, we have had many a broken heart over some of our children’s choices to live for themselves.
Some of these children had hearts that were tainted before God took them out of the world and planted them into our family. They had experienced sin in a way as small children that haunted them throughout their days with us and on to adulthood. Though we showed them a loving, healing God, the time in our home apparently was not enough to bring a complete transformation. We were tough disciplinarians for we knew we were obligated to address each and every sinful behavior in order to keep our house in order, but we also provided loving acceptance – not of their sin, by any means, but of them as a person. Unfortunately, the bitter, wayward ones only remember the discipline and assign responsibility to us for it, but that is only a sinful, immature response to their own guilt and consequences for their sinful choices.
The way of the transgressor IS hard. (Prov. 13:15) I would find it somewhat amusing if it were not totally heartbreaking that some of our children are proving the negative aspects of the Bible with their lives. Many verses in the Bible that address sinful living and the results of such life choices are being proven out in those in our family who are not living right. That said, I’m going to share with you some of the comments made by adopted children that I’ve encountered over the years. The last one is the one I am specifically addressing in this post and is currently displayed online. Keep in mind that we are not supposed to be offended by other people’s comments or actions, but to focus on God and what He has done for us. We tend to be a petty and superficial people and fall prey to hurtful gestures or comments. This is something I’ve worked on for years but have not successfully conquered. (Psalm 119:165 “Great peace have they which love thy law: and nothing shall offend them.”) If I am who I ought to be, these comments will not offend me. Yet, I find it a struggle daily.
“I just want to live on my own and stop living with all these rules.” Often you’ll find those who make this statement join the Marines. This is quite amusing to me! We all have accountability whether it be with our family, boss, or the law. This is an immature response from a rebellious heart.
“You love your birth kids more than us, your adopted ones.” I’ve never had this said to me personally, but others have endured this accusation. I’ve discovered the heart can love regardless of blood line. I actually forget sometimes that some of my kids are adopted and not mine by birth. If you ask me which of my children are adopted, I say, “I forget.” If asked which ones are “my own,” I’ll say, “I have 13 adopted and 2 homemade and they’re all my own.” It doesn’t matter how you come into our family; what matters is that God made us a family and that’s that. I guess that’s the love of God manifested. He has adopted us by a spiritual birth like we have adopted children by the court process. Parent/child adoption here on earth very much parallels the spiritual adoption of God toward believers. Add into the equation the spouses of our children, and you find another type of adopted love – that of accepting someone into our family by the choice of our children. I look at my sons-in-law as my sons – a bond that can’t even be broken by divorce. Sorry, that’s just how I am. Once a son, always a son. Get used to it! Adam, Mark and Scott, you’re stuck with me!
“I don’t have to do what you say when I turn 18.” Well, of course they don’t. By law, they become an adult and are at that time responsible for their own actions. But the Bible also says that we ought to honor our parents, seek wisdom of the aged, seek wise counsel, and seek the Kingdom first. (Eph. 6:2,3; Job 32:7; Prov. 24:5,6; Prov. 15:20-22; Matt. 6:33) If a child is wise and loves God, he will want to obey and follow the counsel of his parents. The problem encountered here isn’t necessarily one of disobedience, but one of wisdom and respect for the parents who sacrificed for the child the past 18 years. If the parents and the child are abiding in Christ, they both will receive guidance about the child’s future decisions. God didn’t put the child in that family only to sever the relationship at age 18. God will guide the parent who will in turn guide the child. That’s not to say that God won’t speak directly to the child, but He will also speak to the parents as well. We’ve had situations where God spoke to us first and then after relaying it to the child, she saw His direction. We’ve also experienced a child receiving something from God and sharing direction with us, which in turn caused us to seek God’s direction, which He gave. God will answer those who ask – whether it be child or parent. To seek wisdom from the parents and to trust their direction takes humility and submission. It’s only those who truly know God and abide in Him that posess these qualities.
There will be hard consequences for the child who goes off on his own and ignores the parent’s counsel. I think I speak for every parent when I say that I don’t want to live those consequences with them! If they are going to choose to be of the world, I do not want to join them. I will separate myself from the world because God has told me to and if my children are wanting me to participate in the world on their behalf, they will be disappointed. The attitude of, “I will do what I want,” will only lead to pain and failure. I have a child who repeatedly went against wise counsel and after one thing leading to another is presently in a ungodly lifestyle. This leads me to the last “comment” in which this blog is dedicated to. It was her words online that spurred me on to write this post.
“My mother doesn’t love me.” Recently one of my children made the statement online that I don’t love them. It’s kind of ridiculous that I’d even answer this one, for there has not been another mother in history that has had as much patience or forgiveness for a child than I have, nor has there been another that has given as much. I know I am at risk in responding to this, for it will appear that I am trying to answer this ridiculous charge by justifying myself. But I do feel a responsibility to answer this for all the adoptive mothers out there that have spent their life for a child who has no desire to love and serve God, let alone their family – the family that has done so much for them already. It’s like the verses: Prov. 26:4 “Answer not a fool according to his folly, lest thou also be like unto him.” Prov. 26:5 “Answer a fool according to his folly, lest he be wise in his own conceit.” Until this situation came up, I really didn’t understand these verses. But now I do. There is a popular saying in the world that basically says that you can’t win no matter what you do. That’s what these verses are implying. Foolish is as foolish does, so let’s not copy the foolish. But there are hurting moms out there that need to be vindicated. Forget ME – God knows. But I can’t leave those other hurting moms to fend for themselves. It’s not right. So, if you can indulge me a little, try not to think I am defending myself, think of it as I am defending all the moms who have given of themselves only to be dumped on and labled as unloving by their children. I throw my lot in with them today. Some of the things I’m listing here will not match others’ stories, but basically, our stories are the same. I will use the term “I” but really mean “we.” It’s just easier to write in the first person.
1. I took in a child that was tossed aside by a mother who didn’t love her enough to do right by her and put her needs ahead of her own. That’s called “adoption through court termination of the parent’s legal rights.” How many mothers do you know that were willing to take into their home a child who was physically and emotionally damaged? Oh, you don’t like that word, “damaged?” What word would you use? Let’s be real and use the words that fit. Realize too that “damaged” doesn’t mean “not valuable.” Actually, I think that God has a special place in His heart as we all should, for those who suffered at the hand of their parent – who was supposed to protect them. FAS causes actual holes in the brain, which by the way, is caused by the birth mother’s drinking while carrying this child. It is a damage that cannot be fixed. Many times you’ll find a child with FAS will have reasoning problems, lack of impulse control, trouble learning, etc. I have seen these things managed through spiritual growth. It never goes away, but God can still direct the heart.
2. I faithfully endured 18 years of lying, stealing, cheating, bitterness and rebellion – without reservation. I knew God gave me a job to do and did it to the best of my ability, faithfully – and may I add, without much help. There were times when we only had the Bible to refer to. There were no others around like us, no pastor could answer our questions, no one could offer us anything in counsel. I cannot list all the pastors that said, “I just don’t know what to tell you,” for they are too many. Yet God was faithful and sustained us.
3. Even after my child walked away from everything we’d taught her, I still continued to pray for her and welcome her back after it appeared she’d repented. This happened a dozen times, and each time we as parents were faithful. Each crisis that came, our counsel was always the same, love God, surrender to Him and your life will be peaceful and victorious. Yet, at each crisis, my words went unheeded and with each consequence, (and some of them were life altering) no changes were made toward following God and His Word.
4. I always counted her one of the family, regardless of what she did or how she treated me or other family members. Lies were told, accusations were made, yet I maintained my care for her. I did not choose to participate in her life when she was living contrary to God’s Word, for I too must answer to a righteous God who holds my life in His hands. But I never stopped hoping she’d do right and love her family. It’s funny to me that someone who lives such a wicked lifestyle can judge those who desire to stay out of it to be unloving. I haven’t changed these 20+ years other than hopefully progressing toward loving and knowing God more, and hopefully generated a bit more wisdom through it all. Though I could understand some of the behavior due to genetics and brain disfunction (FAS) I still maintain that God is the God of healing and He alone can bring someone to a righteous life regardless of their limitations. Either way, there is no excuse.
5. Though battered about, disappointed, dishonored and at times sustaining irrepairable loss and damage, I have loved my children consistently. Have I wanted to be with them while they live apart from God? Absolutely not. We are supposed to steer clear of those who live godless lives. (Romans 16:17 “Now I beseech you, brethren, mark them which cause divisions and offences contrary to the doctrine which ye have learned; and avoid them.” Prov. 4:14 “Enter not into the path of the wicked, and go not in the way of evil men.”)
Did the prodigal’s father follow him to the pig sty and ask for pictures and a first hand account? NO! He, nor his other son, wanted to fellowship with that lifestyle. Did he love the boy when he returned? Absolutely! Did the other son accept him with loving arms? Uh, No. Do you know why? I do. I’ve lived it and have seen it in my own family. When the prodigal returns – even with a genuine repentent attitude, the other siblings resent them because of all the things he did to the family and how he hurt the father. They don’t believe the repentance is genuine because they saw the pain it caused the father. Don’t be too hard on the prodigal’s brother. Yes, he should have received the brother unconditionally after he returned in a penitent attitude, but remember, he had to stay behind and repair the ruins the prodigal left. My kids have grown tired of the pain that’s been brought into their parent’s lives by those who choose to live a sinful life. It really gets old when it happens over and over and seems to never stop. I am glad that God renews our days. I could not have endured or survived these past 25 years without His sustaining hand and the love of those children who do follow our Lord. And let me not fail to mention that I DO have loving faithful children who honor me and are an encouragement. I am thankful to them for their testimony of God’s grace.
6. Not one time have I said anything that would bely an unloving attitude. I have counseled according to Biblical principles. Oh, I haven’t minced words, I called sin “sin.” I’ve told my kids that the day they leave our home in rebellion is the day they no longer receive any type of financial or housing help from us. I will not aid and abed children who do no honor their parents or appreciate with their actions the sacrifices we’ve made for them. God names us parents for some reason, so they are to recognize that when it comes time to plan their education, who they marry, etc.
7. Have you ever heard someone say that they didn’t feel that God loved them? Well, we know the problem isn’t with God, but the one who makes the accusation. They have lived in a way that has caused them guilt and separation from God. God never moved, He’s always been in the Heavens waiting for man to come to Him. He’s the perfect picture of a loving parent, yet people accuse Him wrongly. So, there is where I find my comfort. If God, the perfect parent can still love a rebellious child who raises his fist at Him, why can’t I with His help?
8. I could list the behavior and decisions of this child that questioned my love. But I won’t do that, for it would be “answering a fool according to his folly.” But I will say that this child cannot go on fooling herself indefinitely. I just hope I live to see her come to the truth and acknowledge it. True love constrains – keeps us in check and urges us to put others first. (2 Cor. 5:14 “For the love of Christ constraineth us; because we thus judge, that if one died for all, then were all dead.”) If we love God, we will love others and limit our actions to things that are only pleasing to Him, putting others ahead of ourselves. (1Cor. 10:24 “Let no man seek his own, but every man another’s wealth.”)
9. Even if I did lack love for my child, and showed that in my actions, it would not be prudent to advertise it. The very act itself proves a lack of spiritual and emotional maturity. It would not be honoring the parent who gave their life for that child. But at the same time it does shine a light on the maturity factor of the one who spoke it. (Prov. 10:12 “Hatred stirreth up strifes: but love covereth all sins. Prov. 17:9 “He that covereth a transgression seeketh love; but he that repeateth a matter separateth very friends.” …might I add, families? ) No, it was not the sin of this mother or any other mother that separated the child from the family. It was the willful, rebellious sin of the child who chose the world over God and His plan. The mother has already proven her love over the lifetime of the child. It’s a “dun deal.”
God is the only true judge and I am not afraid of His judgment. He’s been so good to me.
I’m only going to bore you one more time with my shopping trip savings. Here is another picture of groceries, etc. that I picked up last night and a listing of my savings. The only thing missing is a big bag of cat food. This time I only spent a couple of hours getting together my coupons and list. The original price for all these items was $119.04 with a savings of $58.56. Since I used three of my $15.00 in RR (register rewards) from prior WAGS (Walgreens) deals, I only had an OP (out of pocket) of $45.74. All these items came from Walgreens, Walmart, Meijer and Steve & Barry’s. For dinner, Jillian and I ate at Subway with a 2/1 coupon so we got a foot long sub free. The key to saving is to make a detailed list and sticking to it, buy only items on sale, and find coupons to combine with the sale items. Buy more than what you need and store it, so you don’t have to buy it at full price next time you need it. If you are consistent you should be able to make your dollars stretch all year ’round.
At my Thursday night Bible study one of the ladies asked prayer for her son-in-law that had some personal problems. She said she was tired of putting on the pretense of having a “perfect” family and was coming clean. She was tired of hiding for the past 25 years all the problems and difficulties just to put on a happy face so she wouldn’t be judged as a bad parent.
Ditto that.
We’ve had our problems. We have adopted some kids with emotional, physical and mental problems. I’m sorry if some people can’t handle that. I’m even sorry if they don’t like our family. But you know what? I do. I like my family. I like how diverse it is. I especially like having the different races. I actually feel sorry for the families that have all white kids in it. I think that’s boring. I feel sorry for families that have easy, compliant kids (I’m jealous at the same time!). They will never know the thrill of seeing their kids find God through the pain and heartache of reconciling their past.
We’ve had kids punish us for the pain that their birth parents inflicted on them. But I’ve also had the same kids call me up years later and tell me through tears that they are sorry, and thank me for adopting them because they were glad they didn’t have to grow up in their birth families’ homes. I’ve had kids complain to others about how mean we were as parents and swear they’ll never have anything to do with us when they move out. I’ve had the same kids come back and tell us we did the exact right thing in how we disciplined them and kept them safe during their growing up years. I’ve had kids tell me they hate me and then just a year later put their arm around me and tell me I’m the best. I’ve had children threaten me with knives and then just a couple of years later tell me they miss me and want nothing else but to come home. I’ve had children tell me I didn’t know what I was talking about only to call me up years later and tell me that they’ve been hearing my words come out of their mouths! I’ve had children go around telling my friends, coworkers and even my boss that we were abusive and then just a couple of years later turn around and confess they had lied out of bitterness that had welled up in their soul years before we adopted them. God is so good, and each time one of our kids makes a turn around and gets their life right, I thank Him for it.
Most families don’t experience these things – because they chose the safe route. We didn’t. We chose to care for other people’s children when they chose to not do it themselves. We took broken, damaged kids and tried to turn them into loving, responsible, Christian young people. OK, so shoot me for trying. Yes, those who have judged us as failures haven’t seen what we’ve seen. They haven’t experienced what we’ve experienced. They’ve not walked in our shoes. They’ve not seen the victories amidst the failures. They’ve determined in their mind that if our kids don’t learn to follow God perfectly before they are 18 then they must not have been taught properly or we had to have mistreated them in some way. Well, some day the truth will be revealed and all those who judged us so harshly will see their mistake. But then, you know what? It will be too late. Their chance to love and support our family will have passed and both of us unfortunately have missed a blessing. They have missed the blessing God would have given them for being kind to a struggling family. We missed the blessing of having someone love and care for us in the midst of a difficult journey. But God knows, and has fortunately made up for it by loving us through it all and shown us spiritual truths that not many have had the privilege to see.
We have a great family. We’ve had our ups and downs, but I am confident we’ll all be together some day and relish in God’s goodness.
April, you are one of my best friends and thank you for showing us how blessed a parent can be. I miss you more than I can put into words. Thank you for giving me two angels that make life worth living. Your solid faith has encouraged me.
Lauren, I miss you so and am very glad we have a good relationship. You have so much talent and strength – I know you are going to do great things for God. I just love talking with you. You are like a buried treasure.
Katie, when I think of someone loving God, I think of you. I am so very proud to tell others about you. You are like a gem of the highest price to me. Raising you was a true blessing. You’ve got it all and someday someone will wake up and realize it!
Jesse, we hope that your searching will one day bring you to your perfect place in life. You have grand ideas and goals that if realized will make a difference in the world. God and your family are waiting.
Devin, you are an example of true regeneration. You remind me of why we adopted. When I think of you, I think “success.” Thank you for discovering that you love your parents. You’ve made it all worth it. You are the “miracle of adoption” proven.
Nathaniel, you are destined for great things. We have enjoyed watching you pursue your position in the Marines and hope God can use you to reach others. Your family misses you.
Andrew, thank you for caring about your family. I have always known you loved us even when you were fighting for your independence. I have always adored you. You have a special gift of drawing others to yourself and making the most sober person laugh.
Marissa, you will always have a piece of my heart. You were the one we all thought would go on to do great things for God. You have given me a precious granddaughter that is like a piece of heaven to me.
Daniel, you have come so far. You had no language for years, but now you talk circles around everyone. Your potential is astounding and have proven that hard work can transform a person.
Mollie, you are beautiful and talented. We miss you and hope some day we will be close friends. Every day I hope you will call and tell me that you love and miss your family and want to come home.
Jillian, you are my body balm. God chose you to be my happiness. You are one of my favorite people in the whole world. I miss you more than I can say. I am proud of who you have become.
Jonathan, I love your love for children and find it a precious gift not everyone has. God gave you a special heart that He can use to do great things. You are going to make a difference in the world.
Jacob, your calm peaceful sense of living is an encouragement to me. When I saw you give your heart to God and live for him it renewed my faith in God’s success in changing hearts. Your spiritual growth has increased my faith.
Levi, your talent and enthusiasm for life has brought us such fun. Seeing you love your sisters has brought new life into our family and given me hope. I am so excited to share a love for art with you and can’t wait to see what you do with it.
Caleb, I am so looking forward to having you back home and part of our day-to-day family living. Remembering your sense of humor and laugh are enough to make me smile. We have such hopes for you.
To all my children who are living for and loving God, thank you – you make life worth living. To those of you who are seeking Him, I pray you find Him – He’s right beside you, just turn and look. To all my children who are running from God, slow down and let Him embrace you – there’s peace and joy in His presence.
I will never forget those of you who have truly loved us…you have made some very weary travellers in this life feel the love of God and have the strength to bear up under the trials of this life. God will bless you for your love and support.
To all of you who judge us as being unworthy to be in God’s ministry, it’s your loss. To all of you who do not love my children, I pity you, for children are considered the most important in Heaven. To those of you who think we should not have adopted “interesting children,” well, all I can say is, “For whosoever shall give you a cup of water to drink in my name, because ye belong to Christ, verily I say unto you, he shall not lose his reward.” Mark 9:41 The rewards are great – SO WHAT if I have to wait until I get to Heaven to enjoy them! Where are YOUR treasures laid up? John Greenleaf Whittier sums it up for me: “For all sad words of tongue and pen, The saddest are these, ‘It might have been’.”