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Are Your Kids Fighting? {Mom of Many}

Do your kids constantly fight with each other? Parenting Tip #3

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Are Your Kids Fighting? {Mom of Many}

Do you find yourself constantly breaking up fights, or refereeing arguments between your kids?

Having had 15 kids from all different biological families, we found quite an array of personalities that affected behavior – especially when it came to relationships. Some of our kids came from abusive and neglectful situations, so their frame of reference was skewed. Enter madness and mayhem!

Some people felt bad for my easy going kids, the ones without a traumatic background. Others felt bad for the ones that came from difficult family situations. Unfortunately no one thought to feel bad for the mom who had to coordinate all the personalities and frames of mind. Ha! (That would be me, in case you didn’t know.)

But regardless of the raw material we had to work with, it was up to me to weave peace and contentment into our family. No one wants to be a part of a poorly run family where there is constant bickering and fighting. Well, no one I know of any way. So I had to devise creative ways to keep the peace. I’ll share a few of my secrets with you now:

Identify the Spark That Starts the Fire

  1. If you have one child in particular that tends to start arguments or likes to fight, keep an eye on them when they enter the room. Does the room turn into stir fry when they enter?
  2. What does that person do or say that causes problems?
  3. Are they a constant complainer?
  4. Do they enjoy baiting others?

Remember, it takes two to fight, but you can’t assume both are at fault, nor is it fair to punish both just because it’s easier than sorting it out. We can work at teaching our kids not to take the bait, but sometimes a person just has to stand up for themselves. It is not fair to discipline both involved if one is the key to it all. It took us years to discover that one of our kids was the culprit of most family fights. Once you identify 1-4, you can begin to deal with the core issue – it only takes one spark to cause a fire. Deal with that child, help them see what they are doing and watch for teachable moments.

Are Your Kids Fighting? {Mom of Many}

Is There a Recurring Theme?

  1. If there is a point of contention that keeps coming up among your kids that leads to fighting, step in and try to correct it. Sometimes all it takes is a person pointing out the root cause of the fight.
  2. Figure out if one of the combatants is stepping over the line of courtesy or decent behavior. The Bible teaches that we should put others first. Is it an issue that one or both are being selfish and not considering others in their plans or choices?
  3. Are they fighting just to fight? Yes, believe it or not we had kids who loved to argue and bait others.

Is the Fighting Attention Seeking Behavior?

  1. Sometimes all they want is a little attention. Back when my daughter (try to guess which one) was a toddler, she was bugging the fire out of her older siblings. They would be playing cards or building with legos and she would go up and pull on them or swipe at their toys. I had a hard time figuring her out because she was always easy going and a very enjoyable child. Then it hit me. She wanted their attention and saw they were always busy, so she got their attention by annoying them. SO… I told them that when she comes around to stop what they were doing and give her a quick hug. The behavior immediately stopped and we had a happy household again. There just might be a hot button that if you can find it, you can push and all will be right with the world again (for about 5 minutes until the next thing comes up!).
  2. Some children will crave attention so badly that they don’t care whether it is positive or negative attention – as long as they get it. One of our daughters was getting in trouble at school in the first part of the day. I knew she was a very social child, so I asked the teacher to take a few minutes at the beginning of the day to chat with her. A note came home from the teacher that same week telling me the behavior improved drastically.
  3. If your child has come from a traumatic background, you may never get a handle on the attention seeking behavior, but you do your best to minimize the affects and protect those who are affected by it. Look for positives and point them out as much as possible, watch for problem areas and try to nip it in the bud before it develops into a full blown fight.

Are Your Kids Fighting? {Mom of Many}

When they were little…

  1. When our kids were little I never allowed bickering. I’m not a “let them work it out themselves” kind of parent because I never felt it fair for one child to bully another – and there was a lot of that going on simply because we fostered and adopted kids out of the foster care system and abusive/neglectful families where they had to learn to stick up for themselves and fight to stay safe. One of their foster moms taught our little boys (age 2 1/2 and 3 1/2) to fist fight because she thought one day they would go home and have to defend themselves. (SAD) So we even had to watch for physical attacks. The first day we went to visit those little boys before we adopted them I went home totally freaked out after I saw their behavior in the social services visiting room!
  2. If we found a couple of our kids bickering off and on, we implemented the hand holding consequence. You can’t stop fighting? Hold hands for 20 minutes! Oh how they hated it and it worked beautifully!
  3. I knew a parent who had an XXL sweatshirt that she would make both of her kids wear (together, one in the left sleeve and the other in the right sleeve). She then took a picture. It never hurts to get creative!
  4. Sometimes just removing the “bicker sister” and having them sit on their beds alone to think about what they said or did is sufficient. Get to know your kids and know what works. They are all different. Some easy. Some not. All are mold-able. Some more. Some less.

When they were older…

  1. I had a list of verses that dealt with all sorts of behavior at the ready – to have my kids memorize or write. This will immediately diffuse the situation if they had to quit what they were doing to go write or memorize. Assign just enough that can be done by dinner time and be sure to enforce it.
  2. Always require restitution if necessary. This will help with possible resentment from the offended party.

Do you have any creative parenting tips? Leave them in the comments. It never hurts to share!

For more of my tips, download my FREE ebook below.

Val @ Mom of Many

Raising Real Kids Ebook {Love My DIY Home}

Why do kids disobey? {MomofMany.net}

Why do your kids disobey? Parenting Tip #2

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Why do kids disobey? {MomofMany.net}

Have you ever asked your child why they did something and get an, “I don’t know”? Do you know why they always say, “I don’t know”?

It’s because they really don’t know. Seriously. Kids don’t know why they do things. They just do them. Impetuously. Without thinking. In the spur of the moment.

So what’s a mom to do?

In the long run we need to work on their character.

  1. The basic fact is that they are operating under a prideful, disobedient or unloving spirit, so they must identify it and change that part of their thinking. We need to address it. Sometimes we need to get creative.
  2. Self control is a big issue with children, so we must teach them to think things through. This is harder with some than others. With some, just a conversation about right and wrong will suffice. With others there may need to be some role playing or techniques taught tailored to the child like counting to ten before reacting to give their brain time to catch up in order to think the situation through before reacting. Some have processing problems and need to train themselves to not react quickly. But for the most part, children are impetuous and only through maturity and training will impulsive behavior diminish.

But in the meantime…

  1. Depending on the child, discipline needs to be administered. Notice I didn’t say “punishment.” I much prefer the word discipline because it implies training. We want change along with genuine remorse. Consistent consequences plainly laid out is helpful to both the parent and child.
  2. Discipline should be a well thought out, emotionless act that is consistent and predictable. If one day you yell at a child for mouthing off and another you laugh it off (which by the way neither are acceptable), you can expect the behavior to continue.

*Funny story (though I didn’t think it was funny at the time…a couple of my “interesting children” would complain in anger that I yelled at them about something they had done. Looking back I knew I had not yelled, yet that is how they termed that moment when I called them on their behavior after they were caught disobeying. It took me a couple of times of being accused of this to realize that they processed my stern look and verbal chastising as “yelling at them”.

Why do kids disobey? {MomofMany.net}

In reality, they were describing the feeling they got when they were being called on the carpet for their wrong doing. I knew I had not yelled, yet it translated in their brains as “yelling.” This was amusing to me because I had made a concerted effort NOT to raise my voice. Years later I also realized that some children who have emotional issues have a hard time processing the emotions that are running through them in times of stress (especially when caught doing wrong), so they mislabel them and often accuse others rather than looking inward. Sadly, some are still doing this as adults.

It really doesn’t matter too much in the moment why they do what they do anyway. It is your job to make them wish they hadn’t (properly).

We need to approach the wrong doing with logic.

“A” happened. Now “B” will happen to help you not do “A” any more. Learning cause and affect is imperative for their futures. Look around you. The world is filled with offending adults with no sense of consequences. Patterning plays a huge role in training a child. More on that later…

Do keep the long run in mind; work on the heart through daily exercises, personal example, discussions and hopefully instruction in faith and who God is. An understanding of who God is will affect our child’s every action, thought and perception.

Don’t lose hope. They eventually will grow up. Hopefully my tips will help you survive till then.

Val @ Mom of Many

For  more ideas and practical solutions, get my FREE ebook, Raising Real Kids. There is no reason to parent alone – get help from someone who’s been there, done that, and wants to help you in your parenting journey.

Raising Real Kids Ebook {Love My DIY Home}

Bed Wetting Parenting Tip #1 {Mom of Many}

Do you have a bed wetter? Parenting Tip #1

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Bed Wetting Parenting Tip #1 {Mom of Many}

I had 8 bed wetters at one time, so this is a subject I am all too familiar with. Want some tips to help you survive this annoying parenting experience?

It kind of goes along with potty training – which was my least favorite part of parenting!

I learned that…

  1. You can’t reason your child out of wetting their bed.
  2. Punishing, shaming or pleading doesn’t work either.
  3. They hate the wet sheets and clothes as much as you do (maybe more).
  4. You must patiently wait till they grow out of it (some don’t for many years!)
  5. Getting them up in the middle of the night doesn’t help them (or you).

BUT, there are things you can do to help your child (and yourself).

  1. Explain to your child that you are going to help them deal with the bed wetting. Make sure they know they can go to you for help (though often they do not!)
  2. You can discipline the bed wetter (not punish). Teach them how to take care of the wet clothes and sheets by themselves, taking responsibility for their own issues.
  3. Keep tabs. Kids don’t do what you expect, they do what you inspect.
  4. Teach them to limit the amount of water they drink close to bed time.
  5. Don’t let the other children tease them – it will only add to the problem.
  6. Make a chart (for the younger ones) and give them a star each time they are dry or are conscientious about taking care of their wet sheets and clothes.

If you had one tip to add, what would it be? Let me know in the comments – yours might just be the one that makes a difference in someone’s life!

 

FREE Downloadable PDF - Bed Wetting {Mom of Many}

Val @ Mom of Many

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Kids & Technology {Mom of Many}

6 Ways to Keep Electronics From Frying Your Kids’ Brains

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In Educating Our Children, Musings, Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

Kids & Technology {Mom of Many}

Should we let our children jump into the tech world? Is it safe to let them online? Will their brains get fried? Will they turn into electronics zombies? Will they be socially retarded? Will people think you are a lazy parent?

It’s a fairly new debate. Should your kids play games, search the net, talk to Siri on your iPad, iPhone or laptop?

How much is too much tech?

If we do, how much supervision do they need? How much, how long and how often should they be allowed on the zeroes and ones superhighway?

Let me start out by declaring that each family is different, each child is unique and each parent has different experiences and different opinions based on those experiences.

Some of MY kids (I have 15) were very responsible and could be thrown in the middle of a cesspool and come out clean. Others would struggle, knowing it was nasty stinky but still become a modern day Pig Pen (remember Pig Pen from Charlie Brown?). Others would jump in, lather up in the muck and smile.

So what’s the right answer?

Balance is Key

  1. Know your child.
  2. Tailor your expectations to your family goals and to your child’s talents and propensities.
  3. Consider the Internet and your devices to be tools, not a babysitting service.
  4. Establish rules/guidelines and stick to them. Regulate!
  5. Participate – know what your child is doing and why.
  6. Keep the online activity in an area of your home that is well supervised. Keep the monitor facing out and check on them often.

Should small children own devices?

I know families who have given their four year old their own ipod for watching cartoons. I know others who feel strongly that their child will not own a device and allows only a half hour/day on any type of media. So who is right?

Both of them/neither of them (How’s that for a decisive judgement?).

It’s not our job to judge others. Every child is different. Every parent is different. Our only responsibility is to decide for our own families. We all decide based on our experiences and goals. Those are different in every family.

 

Pros and Cons of the Tech World

If I have trouble figuring out my iPhone, guess who I ask?  Yep, my 9 year old grandson, Isaac.

Don’t judge me! I’m not one of those old grannies that doesn’t know how to send an email or know what a font is.

I’m fairly techy and can pretty much navigate myself around in cyberspace, but I don’t really take the time to learn the minute details of my devices. I have too much else going on to spend time on it.

But my grandson has a naturally inquisitive nature that makes him a prime candidate for the tech world. He’s not afraid to experiment and investigate. I’ve had to hand my iPhone back to him and tell him to undo what he did because he messed it up (In his mind he made it better.).

  1. To become familiar with devices is a very good thing. To know their way around the web and have experience with searching for answers and solutions to everyday problems can only help a child grow and learn. Formal schooling is good but not the answer. Developing an inquisitive mind and a penchant for searching out answers is extremely beneficial.
  2. Like it or not this world is high tech and your children will need to know how to maneuver their way around all those 0’s and 1’s.
  3. Encourage them to learn technology with guidelines, regulations and supervision…lots of supervision. Obsession with technology will become a problem if you are not careful.
  4. Don’t forgo the other means of education – reading (real tangible, hold in your hands books), playing (this a child’s vocation), experimenting (hands on learning) and watching and interacting with those around them (make them put the devices down and connect with real, live people!).

Kids & Technology {Mom of Many}

B.A.L.A.N.C.E.

What say you?

Do you think technology is a good thing?

Do you regulate and supervise your child’s online activity?

I am concerned about people today – not just kids. There seems to be less personal interaction. If we are to preserve our sense of community, we need to keep in touch (more than just on Facebook, Twitter, LinkedIn and Instagram ).

Shoot me a comment and tell me your opinion.

(I do find it mildly amusing that you are reading this on your laptop, iPad or iPhone.)

Have you read my FREE parenting tips ebook yet? Check it out HERE.

Val @ Mom of Many

Parenting is Your Highest Calling & Eight Other Myths

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In Book Reviews, recommendations, Spiritual Truths, Things I've Learned

Have you every had a passionate belief that you couldn’t put into words? You knew it had a Biblical foundation, but for the life of you, you couldn’t nail it down or explain it well enough without making you sound like you were making excuses or justifying yourself? This book, Parenting is Your Hightest Calling & Eight Other Myths by Leslie Leyland Fields does a great job at explaining the ins and outs of parental responsibility and dispels the myths that are so prevalant in Christian society – myths that I ran into in my parenting experience. 

 She outlines 9 myths that many parents buy into that can cause grief and disappointment when their parenting experience doesn’t the bring the results they’d expected. As a mother of 15 children, 13 of whom are special needs adopted, I saw how the blame game is easily entered into by those who have a tendency to judge others, especially Christian leaders who take credit for their own children’s successes. It is my desire to see that parents are encouraged and loved, not expected to be perfect or to take on the responsibility that was only God’s to begin with.

Here are the 9 myths Leslie outlines in her book:

1. Having Children Makes You Happy and Fulfilled.
2. Nurturing Your Children Is Natural
3. Parenting Is your Highest Calling
4. Good Parenting Leads to Happy Children
5. If You Find Parenting Difficult, You Must Not Be Following the Right Plan
6. You Represent Jesus to Your Children
7. You Will Always Feel Unconditional love for Your Children
8. Successful Parents Produce Godly Children
9. God Approves of Only One Family Design

Her basic premise is that we as parents are required by God to be faithful, to follow His basic guidelines for holy living and endeavor to teach the same precepts to our children. That’s it. We are to leave the results up to Him. He is the one who will woo their hearts, call them to repentance and a life of service to Him. We can’t do that. Only God is able to take our children and make them into something He can use.

I have seen and experienced the extreme pressure from others to measure up as the perfect Christian parent – too often reminded that “if we do our job, our kids will turn out right”  and “if they stumble and fall it is ultimately our fault.”  This advice is given without the slightest bit of acknowledgement that God is the One who shapes the believer and determines their path in life.  In her book, Leslie reminds us of parents in the Bible who lived a faithful, godly life only to experience disappointment in their parenting experience. The business of parenting is hard enough. We certainly don’t need to be bogged down by misplaced condemnation. This is a very encouraging book and I recommend it to every parent.

Thank you Leslie, for sending it to me. I wish I’d read it years ago.

You can get this book at Amazon.com for $11.19 and Christianbook.com  for $10.99.

A Plea for Help From an Adoptive Parent

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In Adoption, FAS

I have a friend on my adoptive parents Yahoo email group who is in dire need of a solution to her family problem. She’s in the place we were months ago with no solution in sight. She has one week. I am asking prayer for her and her family as well as any input you all might has as to a solution. Below is part of her story from her blog, Adoption Drama…The System. She lives in Michigan. The comment in red with brackets is mine.

Michigan’s Post-Adoption Support Fails Youth, Families, and the Community.

I am an adoptive mom and a professional in the foster care system. I cannot sit back and watch the post adopt system fail our children. The children that are in adoptive homes today and those awaiting adoption. At the time of adoption, some children qualify for Michigan’s Adoption Subsidy support – medical and/or financial support. The concept of this support is to provide adopted children and their families with the support they need to meet the needs of the adopted child that were present prior to adoption. These needs are considered prior to signing of the adoption document. A family has to option of submitting documentation after the adoption is finalized to add other conditions that were present before adoption but not diagnosed until after adoption. No where in any of the support, does it say there is a limit to how much they will cover for the qualified condition.

My son is 16. He came into foster care when he was 4 and adopted when he was 5. The conditions he lived in prior to adoption have had a lasting impact on who he is and how he operates in society. Its like he is miss-wired because of the abuse he suffered (prenatal drug exposure, severe physical abuse and neglect). His behaviors started around age 6 and became out of control at age 12. Things continued to escalate and he went for residential treatment at 14 1/2 years of age. Well in the first facility, things got worse and he acted out more, placing more people in danger. He was moved to another residential program and spent the last 1 1/2 years there. He’s completed their program but not without incident. Their program has not addressed all of his behaviors or needs, but has touched the tip of the iceberg.

FUNDING HAS STOPPED. Despite the fact that he has not addressed the initial needs that placed him at risk or a danger to himself or others, FUNDING HAS STOPPED. It doesn’t seem to matter that the need hasn’t stopped – the qualifying need that got him adoption subsidy. But all they can say is, “FUNDING HAS STOPPED.”

The reality is that if he makes any of the same choices he made prior to going to residential treatment, he will go to prison. The reality is that he has lived in a very structured program of 2 years and they are just open the door and send him on his way. No transition back into the community, even though programs exist to help him transition back and be successful. All this because FUNDING HAS STOPPED.

Where is the adoption subsidy support that is suppose to help him get the care to address the needs without a limit? Without a limit doesn’t align with “Funding has stopped.” Helping him be as successful as he can be given the past he was dealt, isn’t a part of their plan. Where are my son’s rights to care and treatment from adoption subsidy?

The transitional program costs money. If I had the money, I’d pay for it myself. I don’t have the kind of money the program costs. I want nothing more than for my son and the other adopted children in the same situation and the foster children with the same struggles that are waiting to be adopted to have a chance for a successful future. To be given the opportunity to use the “support” from adoption subsidy they were promised. As adoptive parents, if we don’t pick them up when funding ends even though the need has not, the state threatens to file CPS neglect charges on the parent. Yet, Adoption Subsidy it the one who is neglecting their need and the agreement to support the treatment of that need. [If we bring them home and a child is hurt, we will be charged with “failure to protect. This is a lose/lose situation for the adoptive families.]

Please help me help my son and others in the same situation. Our funding is scheduled to end on 3/19/2010. Coming home places me and the other children in the home at risk due to his violent and sexual behaviors. He has threatened to kill me and tried once before. I love my son dearly and want for him to have a chance of being successful. Home and back in the community is not where he belongs right now.

Do you know a FASD/RAD child?

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In Adoption, FAS

Click here for a pdf that explains RAD (Reactive Attachment Disorder) and suggests how to deal with a child that may have attachment issues.

Click here for a pdf with some suggestions on how to handle a teen with FASD (Fetal Alcohol Spectrum Disorder).

Note to family & friends: Read these to better understand some aspects of our family!

Adoption Disruption Article

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In Adoption, FAS

Click here to read an article from the blog called “Welcome to My Brain.”  The article is about adoption disruption. It will give you a small idea of what some adoptive parents go through with difficult children – things most parents won’t share with you.

Job’s Friends – Part 4

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In Musings

Continued from 2.7.09 posting, Job’s Friends Part 3.

We’ve been told that we are too easy on our kids, too hard on them, too watchful and that we need to watch them closer. We’ve been told we are too controlling by some but are blamed when they do something wrong when they’re with others. We’ve been told we need to give them room to breathe, that we have to let them have some freedom to make their own decisions, but when they make their own decisions and mess up, it’s our fault. We’ve been told to not use the Bible for a “punishment” like assigning verses to write out or memorize, and we’ve been told it should be used for correction. We’ve been told we’re wrong for treating them all as individuals, for a parent should always treat all their kids the same.  Yet, the same people were nice to some of our kids and rejected others.  We’ve been told by some people that they admire what we’ve done for the Lord in adopting so many tough kids and the same day we were told by someone else that we should never be in the ministry with the kind of kids we adopted because we were such a bad example of a ministry family.  It seems we are to be a perfect family in the eyes of church members, someone they can all look up to – but according to the church members who we were closest to, the ones who loved our family, we were the perfect example of a family who loved others with Christ’s love – especially the children that were hard to love.

We’ve been told that as Christians we should reach out to those in the world and offer Christ as the solution, to be active in our community and disciple and care for the poor. But then we are told out of the same mouth that we should have never adopted these “types of children” if we wanted to be in full-time ministry because they are trouble makers and make us look bad. We are told to be forgiving and compassionate but then hear from the same person how rotten one or more of our kids are and how they deserve to pay for what they’ve done. My kids have been lied to, put down, criticized, verbally abused, held to a higher standard than others, called names, and singled out and made an example. Yet, the same people walk around ignoring their own kids’ bad behavior and lift them up as greater than sliced bread. Those that were hardest on our kids have a past of being kind and forgiving to their own. Somehow, it just doesn’t seem right to me.

I’ve come to the conclusion that people just don’t understand. They haven’t lived the life we have, nor do they love our kids like we do. Even though my children are terrible sinners, God loves them and so do I. Should they pay for their mistakes? Should they suffer because of bad decisions? Yes and no. Yes, sin is awful and we must repent and go to God and others to make it right. But we also need to remember that God at one time picked US up out of the mirey clay and set US on a rock. We weren’t such a great bargain either. Yet, He loves us and manages our life so that He can be glorified and also seeks our good at the same time. As parents, we have consistently brought discipline into our kids’ life to teach them to do right, but we never should bring discipline into their life to hurt them, to show who’s boss or to make them “pay.” We ought to always operate in a way that pushes them toward the Savior, not toward anger and bitterness.

I’ve recently been in a situation where I now can understand the Scripture that tells a us not to punish in a way that creates bitterness. “And, ye fathers, provoke not your children to wrath: but bring them up in the nurture and admonition of the Lord.”  Eph. 6:4  Many of our children came into our home with bitterness, and others developed it over time through circumstances we couldn’t control. It is our job, even if they sin in their bitterness, to not cause them reason to embrace it even more than they have already. These are kids. They’ve been hurt by adults in their life. They didn’t choose it. They didn’t deserve it, yet it happened. Let’s not make it worse by confirming to them that all adults are cruel and not to be trusted. We have an excellent opportunity to show these kids that God really does love and that He can love them through us.

Mt 18:23 “Therefore is the kingdom of heaven likened unto a certain king, which would take account of his servants. And when he had begun to reckon, one was brought unto him, which owed him ten thousand talents. But forasmuch as he had not to pay, his lord commanded him to be sold, and his wife, and children, and all that he had, and payment to be made. The servant therefore fell down, and worshipped him, saying, Lord, have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

 Then the lord of that servant was moved with compassion, and loosed him, and forgave him the debt. But the same servant went out, and found one of his fellowservants, which owed him an hundred pence: and he laid hands on him, and took him by the throat, saying, Pay me that thou owest. And his fellowservant fell down at his feet, and besought him, saying, Have patience with me, and I will pay thee all.

 And he would not: but went and cast him into prison, till he should pay the debt. So when his fellowservants saw what was done, they were very sorry, and came and told unto their lord all that was done. Then his lord, after that he had called him, said unto him, O thou wicked servant, I forgave thee all that debt, because thou desiredst me: Shouldest not thou also have had compassion on thy fellowservant, even as I had pity on thee? And his lord was wroth, and delivered him to the tormentors, till he should pay all that was due unto him.

 So likewise shall my heavenly Father do also unto you, if ye from your hearts forgive not every one his brother their trespasses.”  to be continued…

Thanks, Mom

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WHY I LOVE MY MOM

Mom and Dad were watching TV when Mom said, ‘I’m tired, and it’s getting late. I think I’ll go to bed’

She went to the kitchen to make sandwiches for the next day’s lunches. Rinsed out the popcorn bowls, took meat out of the freezer for supper the following evening, checked the cereal box levels, filled the sugar container, put spoons and bowls on the table and started the coffee pot for brewing the next morning.

She then put some wet clothes in the dryer, put a load of clothes into the washer, ironed a shirt and secured a loose button. She picked up the game pieces left on the table, put the phone back on the charger and put the telephone book into the drawer. She watered the plants, emptied a wastebasket and hung up a towel to dry.

She yawned and stretched and headed for the bedroom. She stopped by the desk and wrote a note to the teacher, counted out some cash for the field trip, and pulled a text book out from hiding under the chair. She signed a birthday card for a friend, addressed and stamped the envelope and wrote a quick note for the grocery store. She put both near her purse.

Mom then washed her face with 3 in 1 cleanser, put on her Night solution & age- fighting moisturizer, brushed and flossed her teeth and filed her nails.

Dad called out, ‘I thought you were going to bed.’ ‘I’m on my way,’ she said.

She put some water into the dog’s dish and put the cat outside, then made sure the doors were locked and the patio light was on. She looked in on each of the kids and turned out their bedside lamps and TV’s, hung up a shirt, threw some dirty socks into the hamper, and had a brief conversation with the one up still doing homework.

In her own room, she set the alarm; laid out clothing for the next day, straightened up the shoe rack. She added three things to her 6 most important things to do list She said her prayers, and visualized the accomplishment of her goals.

About that time, Dad turned off the TV and announced to no one in particular. ‘I’m going to bed.’ And he did…without another thought.

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